


shred

by Jules1398



Series: shred [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Kid Fic, M/M, Post-Break Up, Snowboarding, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, dead names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-05 13:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13389240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules1398/pseuds/Jules1398
Summary: There were two versions of Isak Valtersen, and he intended to keep it that way.The first Isak was the one that his friends knew. He was cool, smart snowboarder guy. It was probably the best reputation he had ever had.The second Isak, the real Isak, was much more complicated. He still was cool, smart snowboarder guy, but there was more to him. He was trans, gay, and then there was his five year-old son, Adrian.Keeping the two Isaks separate wasn't that difficult. At least, not until he saw Even again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this fic for a while and I'm excited to finally get it out there. Updates will come on Mondays and Fridays, which is perfect for today because it is currently 11:30pm on Monday night rip.  
> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)

There were too many people in Isak’s apartment. Sure, Noora and his other roommates were free to throw a party whenever they chose to, especially on weekend nights such as this, but it was overcrowded. And if anyone figured out how to pick the lock of his bedroom door, he could lose the friendships that he was working so hard to make.

Isak was in uni now and, for the first time in his life, he had a pretty good reputation. In Bakka he had always been “the girl with the kid” or “the girl who’s a boy now” or, worse “the girl who had a kid and then tried to turn into a boy.”

At University of Oslo, it was different. The school was big enough so that the other kids that did come from Bakka seemed to have forgotten about him, or maybe they just didn’t care enough anymore. And to everyone else, Isak was just a cool dude that was really good at snowboarder. They didn’t know that he was gay, or trans, or a single dad.

“Isak, we’re going to get you laid tonight,” his friend, Jonas, announced, patting him on the back as he approached with their other two friends, Magnus and Mahdi.

“You have your own room tonight, bro. It would be a shame for you to waste it,” Mahdi added.

Isak snorted. “Are you suggesting that I spend the night with you, Mahdi?” he joked.

They all laughed until Magnus started aggressively tapping Isak’s shoulder and pointing into the crowd at a familiar looking girl with short brown hair. “Bro, it’s your girl. She’s here!”

“No fucking way, dude,” Isak replied, crossing his arms. “She’s still in vgs. I’m not about to deal with anymore high school bullshit. How does she even find these parties?”

“Her last boyfriend was like 20 or something,” Jonas explained. “She probably has a lot of older friends.”

She must not have had _that_ many older friends, seeing as she made her way over to Isak and his friends as soon as she spotted them.

“Hi, Isak!” she chirped. “I didn’t know that you would be here.”

“He lives here,” Magnus told her. Isak glared in his direction. He didn’t want this obsessed teenager to know his name, much less where he lived.

“Hey, Emma,” Isak greeted back, with a fake smile.

“Hey, boys, we should go grab a drink,” Jonas suggested, under the false assumption that them leaving would benefit Isak in anyway.

When they were gone, Emma spoke again, “So, your apartment is pretty nice. How many roommates do you have?”

“Three,” Isak replied. “Eskild, Noora, and Linn.”

“Is it expensive to live in an apartment?” she wondered aloud. “I’ve always lived with my parents, so I don’t have to worry about it.”

Isak shrugged. “Well, my dad pays my rent, so it isn’t that bad.”

She moved closer to him and grabbed his wrist. “It sure must be nice to have your own space. I’ve always had to share my room with my sister.” She looked up to meet his eyes. “But I suppose that you don’t really have that problem.”

“Nope,” he said simply.

Apparently she took that as a “kiss me” because she then started moving her lips toward him for a kiss. He stuck his hand up between their faces, so she kissed that instead, and then pulled away, frowning.

“Am I not pretty enough?” Emma asked. “Or are you getting over someone?”

“Look, Emma,” he started, placing his hands upon her shoulders, “you’re only in vgs. I’m in university. You’re just too young for me.”

“I’m only a year younger than you,” she pointed out. “I’ll be in university next year.”

“You’re a nice girl and you’re super pretty,” Isak assured her. “It’s just not right for me to take advantage of you like this.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re an asshole, Isak.”

“Huh?” He wasn’t sure why she was so pissed at him. He hadn’t really done anything, had he?

“If you didn’t want to hook up with me, you could’ve just told me that.” She pushed him and strutted back out into the crowd.

Jonas saw this and ran back up to him. “Bro, what the fuck did you do? She was fucking smitten like five minutes ago.”

He crossed his arms. “I told her what I told you: she’s too young. Emma didn’t take it so well.”

“Unbelievable,” Jonas shook his head. “And here I was thinking that Magnus was the one who was bad at flirting.”

Isak lightly shoved his friend. “Hey, if I actually wanted her in that way, I could have gotten her. No question.”

Suddenly, he felt somebody tug on his arm urgently. He turned to see Sana with a nervous look on her face.

“What’s up?” Isak asked. Jonas looked confused. He knew they studied together, but not that they were friends.

“Even is here,” she whispered harshly before motioning toward the doorway with her head.

He turned his head to find the familiar tall, blonde boy chatting with Vilde. Isak hadn’t seen him in a long time and he had definitely grown a lot more attractive over the years. Isak had to get out of there. Fast.

“Who’s Even?” asked Jonas.

“Friend from Bakka,” Isak lied. They only were supposed to attend Bakka together for one year, but Isak was homeschooled his first year, so he dodged that bullet.

Jonas eyed him curiously, seeming unconvinced. “If he’s a friend, then why are you freaking out.”

“Ex-friend,” Isak clarified. “I think it’s best if I go back to my room for the rest of the evening. I’m tired anyway.”

“I can come with-” Jonas started.

“No!” Isak blurted out. His friend raised his eyebrows. “I mean, like, I’m fine. You should enjoy the party.”

Jonas shrugged and gave Isak a high-five. “See you later then, bro. Tell me if you need anything.”

He nodded before rushing back to his room. As soon as he got in, he immediately locked the door behind him and sat on his bed, head in his hands.

There was so much that he regretted. He regretted not telling his new friends the truth. He regretted keeping so many secrets from Even. He regretted not being closer to his son, Adrian. He regretting being born with a fucking vagina.

* * *

 

An hour and a half later, somebody was knocking on his bedroom door. He was tempted to ignore it, but he could hear Eskild’s voice on the other side. The party was probably dying down, so Isak was going to have to get started with the cleanup.

He cracked the door open slightly. “What the fuck do you want, Eskild?”

Eskild peered closely at him. “Have you been crying? Baby gay, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Isak said, wiping his eyes. “What do you need from me?”

“Can you start throwing away empty cans?” the older man requested. “I was planning on going to another party tonight, so if you could help out, that would be really nice.”

Isak knew that it was coming, but he sighed anyway. “Sure, Eskild. Have fun at your other party.”

“Thank you, baby gay,” Eskild ruffled his hair and then walked down the hallway smiling. God, Isak hated when people touched his hair, but he wasn’t about to tell Eskild that, seeing as he would probably turn it into a _thing_.

He turned of his bedroom lights and locked up the room again, just to be safe. Based on the noise coming from the living room, there were still a few drunken stragglers hanging around, probably just his roommates’ friends.

Wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt, and socks, Isak padded into the kitchen. He probably looked like he had just rolled out of bed, but it didn’t matter much to him. What difference would it make if Eva or Vilde or whoever else was hanging around saw him like this.

Luckily, the only person in the kitchen was Noora, who was grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge.

“Are you going to the party thing too?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, I personally think we should be done for the night, but Vilde wants to go, so I guess I’ll come with to keep her safe.”

“You know, she’s an adult,” Isak points out. “She needs to learn how to take care of herself. Plus, isn’t Chris there?”

“Chris and Eva had been drinking and Sana had to go home,” the blond girl explained. “And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to support my friends.”

“Do you want to support her or do you just think she’s cute?” Isak asked.

Noora glared at him. “I’m sorry that some of us are allowed to have feelings, Isak,” she said before storming off.

Isak chose to ignore her comment and got to work, pulling the recycling bin over to the sink so that he could empty the cans before crushing them up and recycling them.

He had been cleaning for almost five minutes when he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him.

He slowly turned around and was met with the same set of blue eyes that had been haunting his dreams for years. It was Even.

Isak blinked at him for a few minutes. “What are you doing here?”

“I go to UiO,” Even replied with a shrug. “I heard about the party through friends and decided that I’d stop by, since Sana was going to be here. Do you go to UiO as well?”

He nodded. “So, ummm. How have you been?” God, Isak was terrible at small talk when he got nervous.

“Pretty good, I suppose. I certainly haven’t changed as much as you,” Even joked. Isak wasn’t very amused.

“I’m not a different person,” he objected. “I’ve just allowed myself to be who I am.”

Even held his hands up in mock-surrender. “I wasn’t trying to upset you. I’m sorry.”

“The party is over, Even,” Isak stated in a monotone voice as he pretended not to care. “You should go home so I can clean up.”

“Can I at least get your name?” he requested. “I mean, I could always just say Valtersen, but that brings back old memories.”

“It’s Isak,” he told him. “Can you leave now?”

Even started to walk away but stopped in the doorway to the kitchen and turned around. “See you around, Isak,” he said with a wink.

God, that boy was so fucking extra.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, 12am is technically Friday.

_ Isak was nervous about studying at Sana’s house. It had nothing to do with the girl herself. Sana was a kind and loyal friend, even if she didn’t take any shit from bullies. It didn’t have anything to do with her family either. Isak was sure that they’d be nice, despite the cultural differences.  _

_ No, Isak was nervous because he wasn’t used to being the center of attention. He had never visited her house before, despite the fact that they had been friends for the past few months. He knew that her family had to be curious about him. They were probably wondering who the hell Sana’s new friend was. _

_ When they got to her house, she reached into her book bag and grabbed a key ring, quickly opening the front door to her apartment. “I’m sorry in advance if my brother’s friends are here,” she said before opening it. _

_ He only wondered why she said that for a split second because not long after they got inside did he spot the boys sprinting around the house, carrying nerf guns. _

_ The smallest one ran up to them. He had buzzed black hair. “Hi, Sana. What took you so long? If you would have ran here you could have played with us. Now we’ve already started and you’re going to have to wait for the next round.” _

_ “As if I would want to play with you guys!” she huffed. “You’re 15 years old, but you’re still playing with nerf guns. Besides, we have to study.” _

_ Five other boys of varying heights ran to stand behind him. The one with long hair started pulling on his arm. “Come on, Elias. Let’s get back to the game.” _

_ There was a boy with black hair and brown eyes that made eye contact with Sana and then blushed. _

_ “Fine,” Elias replied and everyone ran off except for one of the boys. _

_ This boy was fairly tall, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He stuck out his hand for Isak to shake. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said. “My name is Even.” _

_ Isak blushed slightly and shook Even’s hand. “I’m Isabel.” _

_ “Since you’re new around here, I’m going to give you a pro tip,” Even offered. “Stay for dinner. Mamma Bakkoush is the best cook that I’ve ever met.” _

_ Isak smiled. “Thanks. I’ll have to see if I can.” _

_ Sana rolled her eyes and started pulling him down the hallway by his arm. “Come on, this biology test isn’t going to ace itself tomorrow.” _

* * *

Isak sat on his bed with his legs crossed, staring at the transgender flag that was hanging on his wall. It was the only thing that kept him from having his new friends over. He didn’t want them to know the truth about him, but the flag was the only giveaway in his apartment, other than the testosterone that was under the bathroom sink and a few old pictures buried deep in his closet.

Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to put it away. Isak didn’t want to be known as “the trans guy” but it was still a part of his identity. Being trans didn’t define him, but it definitely helped him to grow to become the person that he was.

Eskild would have told him to tell his friends the truth. To be proud of himself. Not everyone had the good fortune of being able to easily pass as their gender. They had to be brave every day. Isak, however, wasn’t given a second glance. He would have to thank his mother someday for passing on the tall genes.

Isak was proud of himself. He could have pride in most every part of who he was without sharing it with the world, right? 

In the end, it didn’t really matter. He was still Isak Valtersen and, if anybody didn’t like who he was, then screw them. His friends would find everything out eventually. Then he could decide whether they were worth keeping.

After all, Isak couldn’t let anybody too close. He made that mistake once and never would again.

He sat there until his alarm went off on his nightstand. He scrambled over to  it so that he could turn off the alarm before it woke anybody else up. Standing up with a sigh, Isak started to gather his clothes and get dressed.

It was Sunday, so it was time for his weekly breakfast at his dad’s house. Isak knew that he should be meeting his family at church, but he always opted to wait until breakfast. After all, why should he worship a being that he didn’t even believe in?

He climbed onto the tram at 9:07 and popped in his headphones, content to block out the world until he arrived. He didn’t succeed because someone texted him about halfway through the ride.

 

Douchebag (9:12)

I asked Sana for your number. I can’t believe you’ve kept the same one over all of these years!

 

Isak typed out a quick “haha yeah” to kill the conversation and silenced his phone. It had been a long time since he had given a shit about what Even had to say.

* * *

 

After getting off the tram, he walked briskly to his dad’s house and rang the buzzer before glancing down at the time on his phone. It was 9:24. He was early this week.

His dad’s shiny new wife opened the door to let him in. Malin was only 23 years old, which made her less than five years older than Isak. She had long brown hair and bright green eyes. She was objectively pretty and Isak had no idea how his dad had tricked her into marrying him.

“Good morning, Malin,” he greeted.

She gave him a quick hug before allowing him inside. “”As always, it’s nice to see you.”

Blue eyes peered at him from around the corner that led into the kitchen and suddenly a little boy was bounding toward him, his blond curls bouncing with every step. Isak grabbed him and pulled him up into his arms in a warm hug. Isak had missed Adrian so much, even though it had only been a few days since he had last seen him.

“How’s my favorite five year-old?” Isak asked before pressing a kiss into his son’s hair.

“Super good, Pappa!” he announced. “Friday was purple day and my teacher brought grapes for snack!”

“Grapes!’ he exclaimed, setting Adrian on the ground. “That sounds delicious.”

Adrian nodded enthusiastically. “They were yummy but I peeled the skin off and then they were green instead of purple.”

Isak placed a kiss on his cheek. “You’re such a silly boy. Grapes are different from oranges. You are allowed to eat the skin.”

Adrian crossed his arms. “The skin is icky.”

“Okay,” Isak replied, nodding. “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to. As long as you thank your teacher for the grapes, then it’s okay.”

“Time for breakfast,” Isak’s dad called from the kitchen.

“Coming, Grandpa!” Adrian yelled as he pulled Isak toward the kitchen.

The little boy sat in a chair and patted the one next to him so that Isak would sit by him. Isak’s father set a plate of bacon and pancakes in front of the five year-old as well as a cup of apple juice.

“And what would you like, Isabel?” Terje asked, prompting Isak to get up out of his chair.

“I would prefer that you call me Isak. I’m surprised that you don’t know your own son’s name,” he replied snarkily. “And I can get my own food.”

He got up and filled his own plate before taking his seat again, refusing to look at his father, who was sitting across from him. Isak hated that his dad refused to see him as a man, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Somebody needed to take care of Adrian and Isak couldn’t afford it. He would have to drop out of school and get a job. And he couldn’t stay with his mom. It wasn’t safe enough for Adrian there. The only other option would be his older sister, Lea, but she lived so far away that Isak would never be able to visit his son when he wanted to.

“So how are your studies?” Terje inquired.

Isak shrugged. “Fine, I guess. I’m considering switching majors. I don’t know if I want to dedicate my life to engineering. I miss having free time.”

“I don’t think you should make such a hasty decision just because you have less free time,” his dad replied. “What are you planning on changing it to? Sociology? Gender studies? You’ll never get a job in those fields.”

Isak furrowed his eyebrows in frustration. “I don’t know yet. I was just considering it.”

“You can’t major in snowboarding, Isabel. You and I both know that you can never compete with the men,” his dad tried to reason.

“You’re wrong,” Isak muttered under his breath.

“What’s that?” Terje asked in a stern voice.

Isak slammed his fork down onto the table. “I said that you’re wrong. I’m a great snowboarder. The reason that I haven’t been doing as well lately is because I never have time to practice anymore.”

“Malin, tell her that she’s being ridiculous,” he ordered.

She froze up. “Terje I don’t want to get involved-”

He spoke over her. “Isabel, you’re acting like a child. Adrian is more of an adult than you.”

“I’m leaving!” Isak announced, standing up from his seat. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Adrian’s cheek before whispering, “I love you,” to him.

Isak stomped out of the room and grabbed his coat off the hook. He was slipping it on when his father’s impeccably young wife cautiously walked toward him and set her hand upon his shoulder.

“Isak, I’m sorry that Terje is being like this today. He’s been stressed about work recently, since one of their surgeons quit a few weeks ago. Just give him some time,” Malin explained.

“I only come here for my son,” Isak told her, before walking out of the house and slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Isak had the rest of the day to himself, so he decided to grab his snowboarding gear and head to Oslo Winter Park. The snowboarding season there had just started in the past week, since it was still November, so he hadn’t been there since the past spring. Every year, he paid the 2700 kroner for the season pass and every year, he made the money back as well as a bit extra from winning competitions. Isak had big dreams. One day, he dreamed of making it to the Winter X-Games.

And, although he knew that it probably would never happen, Isak wanted to compete in the Winter Olympics and bring glory to his country.

He made his way to the super pipe, which was basically just a bigger halfpipe. He pulled on his helmet and secured the board in place.

Isak smiled to himself. There was nothing in the world that he enjoyed more than snowboarding.  He took a deep breath, and then started to shred.

When Isak was on his board, his mind was nowhere else. All thoughts of his dad, his friends, Even, and even Adrian slipped away as he worked on fine-tuning his skills. He was focusing on minimizing his turning radius today, but he also allowed himself to have some fun with it, throwing in tricks here and there.

By the time he was done for the day, he was plastered with sweat and it was nearly 20:00. He had been snowboarding for over nine hours, but the time had just slipped away from him. He was going to be sore the next day, but it didn’t really matter to him, since he was only going to his classes.

Isak walked toward the exit with an air of exhilaration. He couldn’t wait until the Christmas holidays, when he had time to go out to some actual mountains and really shred the gnar. 

When he was nearly to the door, a girl that looked to be about his age stopped him. He hoped with all of his heart that she wasn’t going to flirt with him. He didn’t want to deal with that bullshit in one of his favorite places in this part of the country.

“Excuse me,” the girl asked. “Are you Isak Valtersen?”

“Yes, I am,” he replied, taking the girl in. Did he know her? She had long brown hair and tanned skin. Perhaps he had seen her around uni or something.

“You might not remember me, since we never really talked, but my name is Iben,” she informed him. “We went to Bakka together, but I was a year ahead of you.”

He shook his head. “Sorry, but I don’t remember.”

“Oh, no it’s okay,” Iben assured him. “I just wanted to say that you inspire me and I’m sorry that people treated you like shit in vgs.”

Isak raised his eyebrows. “I inspire you?”

She nodded. “I do ski jump. I have for years. So, sometimes we go to the same competitions. I’ve seen you compete and you’re amazing. You’re better than most of the other guys. You always have been. I can’t wait to see you on tv someday.”

“Thank you,” he replied, taken aback.

She continued, “I’m a lesbian. Seeing you compete out there despite all the shit people gave you about being trans, it’s what gave me the courage to come out to my parents.”

“Wow,” Isak replied, unable to gather the words for a coherent reply. Nobody had ever told him he was inspiring before. It was astonishing to know that there were people out there who knew the truth about him, yet still appreciated him for his dedication to the sport.

She laughed. “I just wanted to say thank you, Isak. For everything you’ve done. I wish you the best in the future, not that you’ll need it.”

“Thank you so much,” he repeated.

She started to walk away before turning toward him one last time. “Stay gnarly, dude.”

* * *

 

When Isak got back to his apartment, he immediately showered. He knew that Eskild would get on his case if he didn’t, and he didn’t really want to receive another lecture about personal hygiene.

After he got out, he threw on some boxers and a t-shirt and lied down on his bed, finally checking his phone so that he could go through all the messages that he had accumulated over the past several hours. The first one was a lecture from his dad, which he ignored. There was one from Jonas, asking if he wanted to hang out several hours ago. Isak typed up a quick apology and told the other boy what he had been doing. There were a bunch of messages from his group chat: Magnus asking about some girl from the party and countless memes. 

The final message was from Even, and Isak hesitated before opening it. He knew that he shouldn’t be talking with Even. The boy had left him before, why should he trust him now? But, deep down, he still wanted to talk to him. They had been so close back in the day, and Isak had no idea what he had been up to for the past few years. Part of Isak  _ wanted _ to trust him again. To believe he had changed. He figured there was no harm in opening the message, so he took a look at it.

 

Douchebag (20:43)

Hey, do you want to grab breakfast before classes sometime this week? We should catch up.

 

Isak replied with, “sorry, I’m busy,” hoping that it would get Even off his back.

 

Douchebag (20:48)

You’re busy every morning this week?

“Yep,” Isak typed out, slightly laughing to himself.

 

Douchebag (20:49)

Ouch :((

 

Isak didn’t feel bad. He knew that Even was joking. He wasn’t really hurt. Besides, Even knew exactly why Isak wouldn’t want to hang out with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "it's Monday fuck the haters"-[Josie](http://napolecnsclc.tumblr.com/)  
> "quote me in your authors note" -also Josie  
> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)

_ Isak never really had a lot of friends as a kid. He hung out with Ingrid and Sara for a while, but he ended up falling out with them over a disagreement about some stupid boy. Then, he met Sana in his science class. She also didn’t have many friends, seeing as most of the students at Urra saw her as “violent Muslim girl.” _

_ Sana wasn’t really that violent. She was just protecting herself from the racist kids that harassed her on a daily basis. But, then again, when did the white kids ever get in trouble? _

_ Now Isak had Sana and Sana had Isak. They were friends, bonding over being mistreated by the people in their class. Isak always stood up for her when someone made a racist comment and she always refuted all of the rumors about Isak that Ingrid and Sara had started. _

_ And, after meeting Elias, Even, and the rest of their friends, Isak’s friend group had expanded significantly. The boy with long hair was Mikael, but Isak didn’t like him much. Sometimes Even looked at him like he was the most special in the room, but Isak didn’t think he was any better than the rest of them. The boy who Sana always stared at was Yousef. There was a boy with eyes that were super light green named Adam. The last boy, who was definitely the most energetic, was Mutasim, but everyone just called him Mutta. _

_ Even was Isak’s favorite by far. He always made an effort to include Isak and Sana, but he never treated them like they were kids. _

_ It was still early October, so they were all playing football in the yard one Saturday evening. Sana was on a team with Yousef, Even, and Elias, and Isak was playing with Mikael, Adam, and Mutta. _

_ Isak had been working his ass off. Sweat beads were forming at the back of his neck, right below where his long hair was pulled up into a ponytail. He managed to break away from Yousef, who had been distracted by Sana. The only thing that stood between him and the goal was Even, whose lanky limbs were spread wide as to cover as much of the area between the two cones that marked the goal line as possible. _

_ He lined up the perfect shot, hauled his leg back, and kicked the ball as hard as he could, right toward the bottom left of the goal. _

_ Even must have seen it in his eyes, because he saved it easily, chucking the ball back to his teammates on the other half of the yard. _

_ “You’re gonna have to do better than that, Valtersen,” he said with a wink. _

_ Isak, who was still panting from his shot on goal lifted up his hand toward Even and flipped him the bird before walking back toward the other goal with his hands on his hips. _

_ “You love me, Valtersen,” Even called down the field. _

_ Without turning, Isak called, “Love you? I barely even tolerate you.” _

_ It wasn’t true. Isak liked Even a lot and he knew it, but he would never tell Even. He was only 13. Even was 15, an entire two years older than him. Nothing would ever happen between them. _

* * *

“You want to come by mine and play FIFA after class, bro?” Jonas asked, as he set down his tray next to Isak’s.

Isak shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I have to stop by my mom’s real quick after I get out, though. It’s on the way so you can come with, I guess.”

“Awesome,” Jonas replied. “I finally get a sneak peak at your top secret personal life.”

“Top secret?” he laughed. “I’m not in the witness protection program, dude.”

It was top secret and Isak regretted bring Jonas to his mom’s house as soon as they arrived. There were pictures framed all over the walls and on the side tables, and Isak knew that the ones of him were pretty outdated.

“Mamma?” he called as they got inside.

“I’m in the kitchen, sweetie!” she called back. So far, it seemed that she was having a good day, which Isak was very thankful for. Her mental health had improved significantly since she started taking her medicine regularly and attending therapy sessions.

When they got into the kitchen, Isak walked over to her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Hi Mamma.”

“It’s so good to see you, Isak.” She pointed to Jonas. “And is who is this? I don’t think I’ve met any of your friends since that time Even came over for dinner.”

He glared at her. She knew damn well that Even was a touchy subject with him, yet she said it anyway. Then again, she didn’t know that they had recently reunited.

Jonas reached forward and shook her hand. “My name is Jonas. It is very lovely to meet you Mrs. Valtersen.”

“Likewise, Jonas. And you can call me Marianne. It makes me feel young,” she replied, winking at him. Isak felt mortified.

Isak reached into his backpack and pulled up a folded up drawing. “Adrian wanted me to give you this. He colored it in school last week and gave it to me when I had brunch at Pappa’s.”

She unfolded it to reveal a very pink dragon that blew flowers instead of fire. “Well, you just tell him thank you.”

“I will,” he replied with a smile.

“Will you bring him by sometime, Isak?” she requested as she set the drawing onto the countertop. “I feel like I haven’t seen him in months.”

Isak nodded. “I’ll talk to Pappa and get it arranged.”

“Bye, love. Bye, Jonas,” she said as they walked out of the kitchen.

“Goodbye!” they replied in unison before they stepped outside.

“What happened to Adrian’s mom? I mean if he lives with your dad now.” Jonas asked as they started to make their way toward his house.

“Huh?” Isak replied, trying not to panic.

“His mom. The girl holding him in the picture on your wall,” he clarified. “I assume she’s your sister. You look a lot alike.”

“We’re twins,” Isak lied. “And my mom is mentally ill. Schizophrenic to be exact. It’s not safe for a child to live there.”

“Oh, so they both live with your dad,” Jonas thought out loud. “It makes sense. She looks pretty young in the picture where he’s a baby.”

“Shit happens,” he replied with a shrug, hoping that Jonas would drop the whole conversation.

Jonas must have gotten the hint or seen some tension in him, so he stopped talking about it.

* * *

The best thing about Fridays was that, although Isak started classes early, he was done by 11. Isak walked out of chemistry with a smile on his face, ready for a new weekend where he could just party and relax.

However, his day was ruined when a certain familiar tall blond ran up to him right after class and began walking with him.

“Hey Isak,” he said as they walked side by side.

Instead of greeting him, Isak replied with, “What the hell? Were you waiting for me?”

Even shrugged. “Sana mentioned you had chem until 11. I got out of Norwegian early and figured I’d walk over here and see what you were up to.”

“I’m walking to the tram and riding it home,” he informed him.

“And what about lunch?” Even asked. “I told you. I want to see what you’ve been up to.”

“Not hungry,” Isak muttered, even though he felt like he could literally eat an entire horse.

“You know what I think?” he said.

Isak rolled his eyes. “I have a feeling that you’re going to  _ tell me _ what you think whether I like it or not.”

Even continued, “I think you want to know what I’ve been up to as well. I think you’re curious about my life, but you don’t trust me anymore.”

He stopped in his tracks. “And why should I trust you, Even?”

“Isak, we were just kids-” he started.

“No!” Isak exclaimed. “ _ I _ was just a kid.”

“Look, this is just lunch between two old friends, okay?” Even reasoned. “We don’t have to talk about any of that stuff if you don’t want to.”

“Fine,” Isak grumbled. “But you’re paying. Don’t go thinking that it’s a date, though. We’re only old acquaintances.”

Since Even was paying, he also picked the place. They ended up at some deli that wasn’t very far from campus. Isak ordered a turkey sandwich and Even got an Italian style sub. Once they got their food, they sat across from one another at a table next to the window. Even always chose that spot, because he loved to people watch. Even thought that the city was beautiful because there were so many different people living their own vastly different lives. Sometimes Isak thought it would be easier if everyone was the same, but Even always seemed determined to prove him wrong. He did, for a while, until he didn’t.

“How are your mom and dad?” Even started. It was a bad question, but he didn’t know it.

“Divorced,” Isak replied. “Pappa is remarried. Mamma lives alone.”

“That sucks,” Even said before taking a sip of his drink. 

No shit, Isak thought to himself. Though, the divorce seemed to have been better for both of his parents. Genuinely curious, Isak wondered, “And your parents?”

Isak has loved Even’s parents. They were always so kind and they supported their relationship, despite how young they were.

“They’re good,” Even assured him. “I actually still live there. We don’t live far from the tram stop, as I suppose you remember.”

“Do you still draw?” Isak asked.

Even laughed. “Yes, and I’ve gotten a lot better at it. It’s just a hobby, though. I’m studying film.”

“Did they see the shitty movies you made with Mikael and just think to themselves ‘damn, UiO needs this guy,’” Isak joked.

“Hey! Those were  _ masterpieces _ ,” Even argued.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and I’m a professional football player.”

“Do you still play?” Even inquired. “Football, that is.”

Isak had ditched it when he got pregnant, but Even didn’t know about that.

“No, I don’t,” Isak replied. “But I’ve picked up snowboarding and I’m quite good at it.”

Even’s jaw dropped. “Isak Valtersen is a  _ snowboarder _ ? The very same Isak Valtersen that despises winter and all things snow.”

“It’s grown on me!” Isak protested.

The older boy shook his head. “I just can’t believe it. My Isak? A snowboarder?”

“Well, it’s a good thing that I’m not yours,” Isak replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

Even’s voice got a little softer. “Yeah. I guess not.”

The rest of their lunch was fairly quiet and a bit awkward. It was almost like Even was sad, even though he was the one who cut Isak off in the first place.

* * *

“A sleepover?!” Adrian shrieked before turning to Terje. “Please, Grandpa! Can I?”

Terje crossed his arms. “Are you sure that this idea is for the best, Isabel? I’m not sure that your apartment is appropriate for a child.”

“It’s not like we’re hosting a party or anything,” Isak protested. “And besides, it’s only one night. I’ll bring him back by tomorrow morning.”

Terje sighed. “He’s so young. I don’t know if this idea is for the best. Perhaps you could stay here instead.”

Malin, who was starting to grow on Isak, interrupted him. “Come on, Terje. Let the kid take his son home for the night.”

“I don’t want him exposed to-” his dad started, before his wife spoke again.

“Besides, we can have date night without having to find a babysitter.”

That shut Terje up and he stopped to think about it for a second. “Fine,” he said. “But you better call me if  _ anything _ goes wrong.”

Isak quickly helped Adrian to pack a bag for the night, complete with his toothbrush, pajamas, a soft blanket, and his favorite stuffed animal, which was a brown mouse that he named Simen. Terje hated Simen. He said that his grandson shouldn’t be playing with a stuffed rat. Isak thought it was kind of cute.

They were going to take the tram, but Terje once again went into overprotective mode and insisted on driving them. Isak wondered how he expected Adrian to live his life in the city without taking public transportation.

Terje just dropped them off at the front, having no desire to enter the apartment despite the fact he was helping to pay for its expenses.

“Can we have pizza, Dad?” Adrian asked as they approached the door. “Pepperoni is my favorite.”

“We’ll see. I have to see what my roommates are eating tonight,” Isak replied as he slid his key into the lock and twisted it, opening the door.

As they entered, Eskild was walking in the hallway. “Is my favorite five year-old here?!” he exclaimed.

Adrian ran up to him and jumped in his arms. “Uncle Eskild! Do you remember my Batman birthday?”

Eskild booped him on the nose. “Of course I do! You had the yummy blue and yellow cake.”

“Dad said we’re going to get pizza today!” Adrian announced.

Isak, who was dragging Adrian’s bag back to his room called back, “I said maybe.”

“He’s gonna get pizza ‘cause I’m his favorite,” the boy loudly whispered.

“If he doesn’t, then I’ll get you pizza,” Eskild whispered back. “Because you’re  _ my _ favorite too.”

So, thanks to Eskild, Isak ordered pizza for himself, Adrian, Eskild and Linn. Noora was out with her friends, so he figured she wouldn’t be home until much later.

When their pizza arrived, they all curled up in the living room together and ate it while watching the only kids movie that they owned, which was  _ Lion King _ .

The movie was almost over and Adrian was half-asleep when they heard the apartment door burst open.

Noora and Vilde were desperately kissing each other as they made their way down the hall. Isak was thrilled for them. They absolutely deserved to be together. Just not in the hallway, starting to undress, when his kid was there. Besides, it wasn’t even 20:30 yet.

Isak put his hand in front of Adrian’s eyes as Eskild sprung out his seat and pulled the two girls apart.

“Girls, I’m happy for you,” he started. “We’re  _ all _ happy for you and this comes as a surprise to nobody. It’s just that we have a guest today, and you’re being a bit…  _ indecent _ .”

Adrian wrestled his way out of Isak’s grasp and popped his head up over the couch. “Hi, Auntie Noora!” He pointed toward her top, which was wide open. “I think you forgot to do the buttons, but it’s okay! Just try your hardest to remember next time.”

She blushed and buttoned her shirt back up while Vilde rushed to where Adrian was standing. “Hello!” she greeted, ruffling his hair. “Aren’t you a cute one? What’s your name?”

“Adrian!” he said with a toothy grin (minus one tooth on the bottom that he had recently lost). “What’s your name, miss?”

Vilde smiled at Isak. “He’s so polite!” Turning back toward Adrian she added, “I’m Vilde, a friend of Noora’s”

“ _ A friend _ ,” Eskild mocked in the background, earning him a glare from Noora.

She turned toward Isak. “He looks so much like you! Is he your nephew? Or your brother?”

“Adrian’s my-” Isak started, trying to pick between the two lies.

“That’s my Pappa!” Adrian chirped. “I live with Grandpa though. Cause Pappa has school.”

Vilde’s jaw dropped and Isak wished that he were anywhere else. “You have a son?!”

Noora grabbed her arm. “Weren’t we in the middle of something? We should go back to my room.”

She gestured toward Adrian. “I can’t believe Isak had a secret kid and Magnus never told me. What kind of friend keeps this kind of juicy gossip from me?”

“Magnus doesn’t know,” Isak interjected. “Please, can you keep this to yourself, Vilde?”

Vilde nodded. “But surely you’ve told Jonas.”

Isak shook his head.

“You haven’t told Jonas?” she asked with confusion. “Isn’t he like your best friend? I’m sure he wouldn’t think of you as lesser.”

“She’s right,” Noora pointed out.

“No,” Isak replied. “I can’t tell him.”

“Why not?” Eskild inquired. He wished they could be more like Linn, who was still watching the movie instead of getting invested in things that didn’t concern her.

“He saw some of the hospital pictures at my mom’s the other day,” Isak gritted out. “And, besides, I don’t have to tell anybody if I don’t want to.”

Noora’s eyes widened. “You haven’t told him about  _ that _ yet? It shouldn’t have to be a secret, Isak.”

“What shouldn’t be a secret?” Vilde asked, confused out of her mind.

Isak glared at Noora, who sighed. “Let’s just drop it, okay?” she suggested. “My room is much more private than the hallway.”

Vilde nodded and walked with Noora down the hallway.

Adrian pulled at his sleeve. “Why am I a secret, Pappa?”

Isak pressed a kiss into his hair. “You aren’t, Adrian. I just haven’t told everyone about you, since I have a lot of new friends. Trust me. I am so proud of you.”

Adrian snuggled in closer to him. “I love you, Pappa.”

Isak smiled at his adorable son. “I love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)

_ Sana’s house was the place to be when Isak didn’t want to be at home. Sometimes he went there when she wasn’t even around. Her parents adored him and there were always older kids there, whether it be Elias and his friends, or her oldest brother. _

_ One day, while Sana was at basketball practice, Isak came by. He didn’t want to go home, so he just went to her house and shut himself in her room. _

_ He had intended to work on his homework, but as soon as he got inside, he sat on the ground at the foot off her bed and let the tears fall. _

_ Somebody must have heard him sniffling, because he heard the twisting of the doorknob before someone slowly opened the door. _

_ He looked up to see Even there. He quickly wiped his tears away, because Even was the last person that he wanted to see him crying. _

_ Even walked toward him and sat on the ground right next to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “What’s wrong, Valtersen?” he asked, giving him a squeeze. _

_ “Nothing,” he lied, turning his head away from Even. _

_ “You shouldn’t be ashamed of crying,” the older boy told him. “Everyone does it. I’ve cried countless times before.” _

_ Isak looked into his bright blue eyes. “Really?” _

_ Even nodded. “Really.” _

_ “I didn’t want you to think that I was just another stupid 13 year-old that can’t control their emotions,” Isak explained. _

_ He snorted in response. “There’s nothing childish about crying. Now, can you tell me what’s bothering you?” _

_ Isak stared at his shoelaces. “It’s my parents,” he said. _

_ “What about them?” Even inquired. _

_ He looked toward the older boy. “They’re fighting.” _

_ Even shrugged. “It’s probably not that big of a deal. I mean, whose parents don’t fight occasionally? My mom and dad get at each other’s throats sometimes, but they always make up in the end, since they care about one another more than whatever they’re arguing about.” _

_ “No, Even. You don’t understand,” Isak replied, shaking his head. “Fighting is all they do. And it’s like their fight is more important than anything else in the world. Last night, they forgot to make me and Lea dinner because they were arguing again.” _

_ “I’m sorry,” Even said in a soft voice before pulling Isak even closer to him. _

_ “At least they’re still together, though. I feel like having divorced parents would be impossible for me.” Isak was trying to hold back his tears. He couldn’t imagine his mother and father being divorced, but he feared that it could be coming soon. _

_ “Sometimes it’s better for certain people to be apart.” Even turned his head so he was facing Isak. “And sometimes it’s better for them to be-” Even’s blue eyes flickered down toward Isak’s lips. “-together.” _

_ Isak blinked up at him for a few moments, and then Even was moving toward him for a kiss. He accepted the older boy’s lips gratefully. They kissed for a few minutes, and it felt a bit weird, but he liked it. It was Even, after all. Sure, he was gangly, but he was still cute and he was nice. They were young. But they were in love. _

_ At least, Isak thought they were. _

* * *

“Hi, I’m Even Bech Næsheim. Welcome to my crib!” Even exclaimed as he opened the door.

Isak couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Even, I’ve been here before.”

“You could have forgotten,” he pointed out. “It’s been like five or six years since I last had you over.”

“Thanks for the lovely reminder,” Isak grumbled.

Even pulled him into the house. “Come on. You wouldn’t have agreed to come over if you didn’t want to hang out with me.”

Isak shook his head. “I’m here because you said your mom made cookies and, I admit, I did miss her cooking and baking skills.”

“They’re on the counter,” Even said, motioning toward the kitchen. “I didn’t tell her you were coming, otherwise she would have made you a special batch to take home.”

Isak plucked one off the plate on the counter. “I always was her favorite,” he said with his mouth full.

“That’s only because you were my favorite too,” Even replied, winking at Isak.

His face flushed deep red. “Shut up.”

“You were,” Even insisted, as they took seats across from each other in his windowsill, which had always been their favorite spot. “Maybe you still are,” he mumbled.

“Don’t.”

Even put his hand on Isak’s arm. “Isak, I-”

He shook his head. “We were  _ children _ , Even. We were children and you ruined me.”

“Look, Isak, I didn’t mean to-” Even tried, before he was interrupted by Isak.

“But you did. I can’t trust you anymore.”

“I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, Valtersen,” Even protested, wincing at his own use of Isak’s last name. “Just for another chance to get to know one another.”

Isak just stared at him for a moment. “Tell me exactly what you want from me. To be friends? More than that?”

Even sighed. “I don’t know, Isak. I’m trying my hardest here.”

“Why?” Isak asked, springing up out of the windowsill and pointing at Even. “Why do you want to try so hard? You could have just ignored me at the party. You didn’t have to get my number from Sana. You didn’t have to text me.”

Even stood up as well and grabbed Isak’s wrists. “I don’t know what I want, but can we just start with something simple.”

Isak pulled his arms away and crossed them over his chest. “Like what? A kiss? Please, Even. Tell me what the hell this simple thing you want from me is.”

Even shook his head. “I just want you, Isak. My time with you was the best year of my life. Sure, we were young and stupid then, but there’s no way that I can let you slip away again.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not something for you to own.”

“I know. That’s not what I meant,” Even protested.

“Isn’t it?” Isak asked. “Because I think that you-”

“I just want you to be a part of my life,” the older boy clarified. “Whether it be as a friend or as a boyfriend.”

“I still don’t trust you,” Isak said, shaking his head.

“And I understand why. I’m not asking you to put your life in my hands. I’m just asking you to give me a chance.”

Isak held up a single finger. “One chance. I’m not letting you hurt me again. Not like that.”

Even motioned toward the windowsill. “Perfect. Now, there’s just one thing that I really want to talk to you about.”

They sat back in their original positions and were silent for a moment until Even spoke. “I’m a father,” he said.

Isak’s eyes widened. How the hell did he know? Did Vilde tell someone? Maybe the rumor spread and he was able to put two and two together. No wonder Even wanted to have him over.

“She’s two,” Even continued. Isak blinked for a moment. What the fuck? Adrian was a boy and he was five. “Her name is Emilie.”

Realizing that he and Even hadn’t been thinking of the same child, he asked, “Does she live with you?”

Even shook his head. “She lives with Sonja, her mother. We tried to be together after she was born, but it just didn’t work. I visit her a lot, though. Sonja and I are still friends.”

“That must be hard,” Isak stated, even though he knew exactly what Even was going through.

Even nods. “I wish I could be a real dad to her, but it’s hard when we live apart. I’ve always wanted kids, but not this early.”

_ Earlier than you think _ , Isak thought to himself.

“I’m sure you’re a fantastic dad, Even,” Isak said, a bit regretfully. Maybe he should have told Even the truth back when he was pregnant. Maybe he shouldn’t have hidden Adrian away like his dirty little secret.

Even smiled. “Thanks, Isak. I know this doesn’t really have to do much with anything, but I feel like you’re gonna be an amazing dad too someday.”

He held his laugh inside. Isak knew he was a shit dad. He barely saw his own kid and, when he did, he spent most of the time fighting with his own father. Maybe the apple didn’t fall that far from the tree.

“You expect me to take a baby to the Winter Olympics?” Isak joked. “Sorry, but I need to focus on my snowboarding career.”

“Oh, please. I bet that, deep down, you’re a lot more domestic than you think,” Even said with a smirk. 

Isak held his hand to his chest and pretended to be offended. “Excuse me? I’m tougher than you.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Even chuckled. “You’re one of the toughest people I know. That has absolutely  _ nothing _ to do with being domestic.”

Isak grinned. Being with Even had always made him feel happy. Sure, sometimes it scared him, but the happiness always overwhelmed the fear in his heart.

* * *

It was an abnormally warm day for early December and the ice had melted, so Isak and his friends stopped at the skate park after their classes had gotten out. Bundled in countless layers, the boys skated all over the nearly deserted park.

When Isak fell off his board for the fifth time, he just laid there for a moment, wallowing in embarrassment. He was a shitty skater and he knew it.

Jonas ran over to help him out, Magnus and Mahdi standing behind him. Using, Jonas’ hand to stand back up, Isak huffed out a quiet, “Thanks, bro.”

Mahdi shook his head. “You claim to be this fantastic snowboarder, but you can barely even skate.”

“I  _ am _ good at snowboarding,” Isak protested. “It’s the wheels. They fuck me up.”

The other three boys laughed before Jonas said, “Sure, bro. I’ll believe it when I see it. You always say you’re the master at everything that you suck at. I bet snowboarding is no different.”

“Slander!” Isak all but shouted and he playfully shoved his friend.”

“You know, my uncle has an in on a competition this weekend near Jotunheimen,” Magnus started. “Maybe we can all go up there and you can prove yourself.”

Isak shook his head. “I don’t know, man. That’s like a five hour drive.”

“I can borrow the car this weekend,” Mahdi offered.

“I have homework,” Isak insisted.

“Bro, first place gets  _ five thousand  _ kroner,” Magnus said, causing Isak to raise his eyebrows.

“We need a boys’ trip,” Jonas pointed out.

Isak thought of Sunday breakfast with Adrian for a second, before shaking his head. “Fuck it,” he said. “Boys, you’re about to see me shred my way to 5000 kroner.”

Maybe it made him a bad dad, but Isak could use the money. Perhaps he could use some of it to buy Adrian something. Maybe he could get him a keepsake from the mountains or something like that.

Regardless, Isak was excited to do what he did best: compete.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more than halfway :(((  
> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)

_ They were going snowshoeing and it was all Even’s fault. Isak hated the winter. He hated the cold and he hated the snow. He thought that his frequent complaints had made that quite clear. _

_ Yet, his boyfriend, who knew this damn well, suggested to the group that they should go snowshoeing on one icy Saturday morning. Of course, all the rest of those fuckers agreed because they loved the snow. _

_ Isak was dragged along with them because he didn’t want to be alone. _

_ “Isn’t this just like hiking but worse,” Isak asked as he trudged through the snow. “I mean, we’re just walking around, but the scenery here isn’t that great.” _

_ “Why is your friend so whiny?” Elias asked Sana, who just rolled her eyes at him. _

_ “Hey, can you cool it, Elias?” Even said, glaring at the other boy. _

_ “Oooooooh,” chorused Mikael, Adam, and Mutta. Yousef was always polite, so he didn’t get involved. _

_ Elias held his hands up in the air. “It was just a joke, bro. Isabel is my friend too.” _

_ “Next time you want to tell a joke,” Even started, lightly shoving Elias. “Make sure it’s funny first.” _

_ “Yeah, Elias,” Adam chirped in. “Don’t insult Mrs. Bech Næsheim or her husband will come for you.” _

_ Even and Isak turned to glare at him. _

_ “Bro, you need a filter,” Mutta said, patting Adam on the back.  _

_ “Let’s keep going,” Yousef suggested. “We have to get back in time for dinner.” _

_ The others kept going, but Even hung back with Isak for a moment. “I’m sorry about this,” he said. “Somehow I thought that I could change your mind about the snow or something.” _

_ “It’s not that. I just feel bad,” Isak admitted, shaking his head. “I feel like we should tell our friends about us.” _

_ Even squeezed his hand. “Okay. We can do that then. As soon as we get back.” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Of course,” Even said pulling him into a hug. _

* * *

“It’s so cold,” Magnus complained as they climbed out of the car. “Why is it so damn cold?”

Mahdi patted him on the back. “Bro, it’s December and we’re in the mountains. Of course it’s cold.”

“Since when are you afraid of a little snow, Magnus,” Isak teased. “I mean it’s not like you’re hot.”

“Bro, you can do better than that,” Jonas criticized in a strangely supportive tone.

They walked up to the small lodge that they had booked a room at for an incredibly low price. It wasn’t the lodge hosting the competition, but it was nearby.

A mousy old lady sat behind the reception desk, reading her book. Mahdi had been in charge of booking the room, so he went up to the desk. “Hello. I’m here to check-in.”

She put on a pair of incredibly thick glasses and spoke in a nasally voice, “What name is the room reserved under?”

“Disi,” he informed her.

There was no computer at her desk, so she pulled out a large leather-bound book and flipped to a page about halfway through it, running her finger along the page until she found his last name, “Mahdi?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Yes ma’am.”

She glared at him for a moment, which was a little weird, before continuing. “You are in room 24B. The maids check each room to see if anything is out of place, so don’t even  _ think _ of stealing anything.”

Jonas, Mahdi, and Isak’s eyebrows shot in the air at her blatantly racist comment. Isak was about to walk over there, but Jonas grabbed his shirt and told him to cool it.

She opened up a cabinet and grabbed one of the two keys marked 24B. The other must have been for hotel staff use. She hobbled back toward the desk and dropped it in Mahdi’s hand. “Check out is at 11am on Sunday. If you stay a second late, you will be charged for an extra day.”

“Thank you,” Mahdi said politely, but the woman just ignored him.

When they were out of earshot, Isak exclaimed, “Who the fuck does she think she is?”

“What a racist hag!” Jonas agreed as Mahdi unlocked the door.

“How do you know that she was racist?” Magnus asked, causing everyone to stare at him. Magnus was good at some things, but social cues were  _ not _ on that list.

“I’m used to it by now,” Mahdi said with a shrug. “Some people suck. That’s just how it is. I know that being black doesn’t make me any less superior than any of the rest of you.”

They all hummed in agreement and he opened the door, revealing a scent that wasn’t very pleasant. The room had yellowing wallpaper and scratched up furniture.

Magnus wrinkled his nose. “Why does this smell like my grandpa’s house?”

“It’s smoke, Magnus. Absorbed into the wallpaper and such,” Mahdi explained. “That’s why the wallpaper is starting to get yellow around the edges.”

Isak was about to set his bag on the bed, but Jonas yanked it out of his hands. “What the fuck?” he wondered aloud.

“Never put your bags on the bed,” Jonas told him. “In case of bed bugs.”

“I mean, if there are bed bugs, then we’re screwed anyway,” Isak pointed out.

Jonas shook his head. “If it gets in your stuff, it’s gonna be harder to get rid of them.”

“Fine,” Isak surrendered, taking his bag back from Jonas and throwing it onto the ground.

The sleeping arrangement for the weekend was that Mahdi and Magnus would sleep in one of the beds and Jonas and Isak would sleep in the other. Isak was fine with whatever. They were his friends, it didn’t matter who he’d share a bed with.

“Nobody get morning wood,” Magnus said before going to bed. At least  _ that _ wasn’t going to be a problem for Isak.

By some ironic twist of fate, Magnus was the only one who had morning wood that day. They all made fun of him as he made his way to the bathroom for a cold shower. Sure, it was a natural thing for his body to do, but it still was a bit funny.

Isak checked his phone to see that Even had texted him during the night.

 

Douchebag (23:41)

Good luck at your competition! Next time, you should invite me :(

 

Isak rolled his eyes at his phone and sent back a message telling Even that he didn’t need his luck.

“Are you texting Emma?” Jonas asked as he sat down on the bed next to Isak, who immediately locked his phone.

“No, just one of my friends that I knew before uni,” Isak replied. It was the truth, he supposed. Even was his friend at one point in time, even if they had progressed to being a bit more.

Unfortunately, Jonas must have remembered their conversation from the party because the next thing he asked was, “Is it that Even guy?”

Isak nodded. “Yeah, we left on shit terms before, but it’s getting better.”

“That’s good,” Jonas replied. “He should come hang out with us some time. When you’re ready, that is.”

_ Ready for what? _ Isak silently thought to himself. Had Jonas figured him out. Did he know he was gay? Maybe Isak was overreacting. Maybe he was just interested in meeting more of Isak’s friends.

Mahdi popped out of the bathroom and held up his phone in a panic. “Isak, are you ready?” It was an ironic choice in words, based on the previous conversation. “We need to leave soon or you’ll be late.”

Isak stood up from the bed. “I’m ready,” he announced.

* * *

It was an alpine snowboarding competition, which meant Isak couldn’t do any tricks, his sole focus had do be on carving and his speed. It wasn’t more necessarily more boring, but he preferred doing his best tricks over going down a hill when he had to compete. On a trail, a lot more could go wrong. Especially when he hadn’t practiced on that specific route before.

A few other guys still had to go before him, so he had time to clear his head. But there was one thing still bothering him. Jonas.

Deep down, a part of Isak wanted to tell Jonas everything. He needed to share it with someone. He couldn’t keep internalizing everything. It wasn’t healthy and he knew it.

At the same time, Isak was terrified of trusting anyone. It was hard to let anyone in after what had happened with Even.

As the guy before Isak started to make his way down the mountain, Isak made a compromise with himself. He was going to tell Jonas that he was gay. Nothing more than that. If he took it well, then maybe Isak could consider revealing more in the future.

“Our next competitor is Isak Valtersen,” the speakers blasted. The actual announcer was somewhere at the foot of the mountain.

Isak took a deep break to focus and made his way to the starting line. He looked down the mountain and felt no fear. It was second nature to him. Being on the board was what he loved to do.

He heard the blaring of a horn and pushed off, shredding down the mountain. He carved around rocks with ease, and rode as fast as he could. He put everything into snowboarding because, to Isak, it was everything.

If you asked Isak what his favorite things were, snowboarding would only come after one thing, and that was Adrian.

He was out of breath by the time he reached the bottom, but it was a good run. Maybe not his best of all time, but definitely good for the first competition of the season.

He pulled off his helmet and ran toward his friends, a grin plastered across his face. “Did you see that?!” he yelled.

“That was fucking awesome!” Magnus exclaimed.

Mahdi offered him a high-five. “That was pretty sick, bro.”

Jonas worn a frown on his face. Isak frowned too when he saw what was in Jonas’ hands. His phone.

“Were you reading my messages?” Isak asked cautiously.

“No, of course no,” Jonas replied. “Well, I mean. I didn’t mean to.”

Isak wanted to cry. What had Jonas learned? Were there messages from Even? Did Eskild send him something?

“It just kept ringing,” Jonas explained. “And I went to turn it off, but they were all from your dad.”

“What did he say?” Isak inquired fearfully.

“He called like five times, but he left one message,” he informed him before handing the phone over.

Isak read the message and dropped his phone into the snow.

 

Pappa (12:34)

Answer your phone! Adrian is in the hospital.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)  
>  this is the last of the shorter chapters yeet.  
> Do you want to be part of the skam remakes discord? dm me on [tumblr](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)

_ When Isak walked into the room, Even was laying on the hospital bed, sound asleep. Even’s mom walked up to Isak and wrapped him in a hug. _

_ “What happened to him?” Isak asked fearfully. _

_ Even’s dad motioned for Isak to sit down next to him. Isak took the seat and his dad wrapped an arm around him. “Even was in an accident,” he explained. “He walked in front of a moving car.” _

_ Isak glanced at him lying on the bed, looking as peaceful as ever. “Who the hell could miss someone that tall in front of their car?” _

_ He shook his head. “It wasn’t their fault.” _

_ “And he’s still comatose?” It was more of a statement than a question, but Even’s father just shook his head. _

_ “He’s sedated, Isabel.” _

_ Isak furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would they sedate him?” _

_ Even’s dad looked at him and Isak could see the sorrow in his eyes. “So he doesn’t try to hurt himself again.” _

_ Suddenly, Isak’s world went spinning. Even had tried to kill himself. He had tried to take his own life, and Isak hadn’t even noticed anything was wrong, much less tried to stop it. Was he the thing making Even unhappy? Maybe Even deserved better. He deserved somebody that wasn’t too weighed down by their own problems to help with him. _

_ Isak was crying now. “How did I not see that he was depressed?” he sobbed. _

_ “It’s okay, honey,” Even’s mother said, walking over to him and squeezing his hand. “None of us saw this coming. He seemed as happy as can be just the other day.” _

_ He shook his head. “It’s my fault. I should have been better.” _

_ “Look at me,” Even’s dad sad, turning Isak’s face so that they were making eye contact. “Don’t ever blame yourself for this, okay? Even is sick. It sucks, but that’s how it is.” _

_ His mom spoke next, “And don’t think that this means that he loves you any less. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him.” _

_ Isak nodded, tears still streaming down his face. He was terrified for his boyfriend. He just wanted Even to be okay. He wished they could be laughing and hanging out with their friends. Seeing him like this, so weak in a hospital bed, made Isak feel like he was helpless. _

_ He just wanted to be with Even. _

* * *

Isak immediately picked his phone back up and dialed his dad’s number. He paced back and forth with his phone to his ear, waiting for him to pick up. His friends were staring at him, worried looks plastered across their faces.

The dial tone stopped. “Thanks for finally calling me back,” his dad grumbled.

“Is he okay?” Isak inquired, ignoring his father’s tone.

“There was a bit of an accident,” his dad replied. 

_ Please, no. Not again.  _

Terje continued. “Adrian fell off of his bike and hurt his wrist.”

“Thank god,” Isak gasped. “Not thank god he’s injured. Thank god it isn’t worse.”

“It’s broken,” his dad added. “He’s gotten a cast, which he is weirdly excited about. He wants you to come back so you can sign it.”

“I’ll be back soon. I just finished competing. We have to check out of the hotel and drive back to Oslo,” he explained.

“At this point you might as well just stay out there for however long you had planned to,” Terje said. “It’s too late now anyway.”

“Too late for what?” he wondered aloud.

“Look, Isabel. You can’t take a vacation from being a parent.”

Isak rolled his eyes, even though his dad couldn’t see. “Like father like son I guess,” he replied before hanging up on Terje.

“What happened?” Jonas asked. “Why wouldn’t he just call your sister if Adrian was hurt?”

Isak shook his head. “Can we just wait for them to announce the winners and then go home?”

“Sure,” Jonas replied, but he still looked concerned. In fact, all of them did.

“Nobody is dying,” Isak informed them. “Now can you all stop fucking looking at me like that?”

* * *

The rest of the weekend was a drag. Isak won the competition, but he didn’t care. It was great to have 5000kr in the bank, but not great enough to overshadow the feeling of being a shitty dad.

They checked out the hotel a night early, despite having paid for two nights, and then drove back. The car ride was silent and awkward. For all five hours. As soon as Jonas dropped Isak off in front of his apartment, he finally felt like he could breathe a little again. The weight of the secrets had been suffocating him in the car.

As soon as he got into the apartment, he started letting the tears fall. He was sweaty and gross from snowboarding and then being crammed in the car and now, on top of that, he was sobbing. God, he was a mess.

Eskild walked into the hallway. “Jesus Christ, you look nasty.”

Isak turned to look at him and Eskild recognized that he had been crying. He rushed toward him and gave him a very loose hug, so that their chests didn’t touch, since Isak was still covered in sweat.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong, baby gay?” Eskild inquired as he pulled away.

Isak just shook his head. “I need to shower!” he sobbed.

“Well, yes, but if something else is bothering you, you can tell me,” the older man replied.

Isak tossed his bag and his board on the floor. “Why am I such a terrible dad?” he asked Eskild. “I can’t even fucking raise my son myself. I leave for a weekend and don’t even tell him until a few days before. I go  _ days _ without seeing him.”

Eskild reluctantly ruffled his sweaty curls before Isak pushed his hand away. Eskild spoke softly, “You aren’t a shitty dad, Isak. You’re doing the best that you can.”

“Adrian broke his wrist and I was in Jotunheimen,” Isak said, shaking his head. “He got hurt and I couldn’t be there for him.”

“It’s only his wrist,” Eskild reasoned. “You couldn’t have prevented it. Kids get hurt sometimes. He’s going to be fine.”

“I wish he lived here with me sometimes,” Isak admitted. “I can’t believe I left him with the man who fucked up my childhood. The man who left me alone with my sick mother regularly. The man who prioritized fighting with her over caring for me and Lea.”

Eskild brought his hand to rest on Isak’s forearm. “Look, it’s fine with me if he moves in.”

Isak shook his head. “But with school, it would be impossible.”

“Isak,” he said and he looked up into the older man’s eyes. “Me, Noora, Linn? We would all help you if Adrian moved in.”

“Thank you,” Isak said nodding.

“There’s just one thing, though,” Eskild added. “You’re going to have to tell your friends about him. I don’t see any way around it. They are going to find out eventually. Just tell them the truth.”

“What if Even finds out?” Isak asked, feeling terrified.

“Even?” Eskild wondered aloud. “Sana’s friend?”

“Yes,” Isak replied with a nod. “And Adrian’s father.”

* * *

Isak went over to his dad’s house for breakfast the next morning. As soon as he arrived, Adrian was ready with a permanent marker to get his cast signed.

He kissed his son on the top of his head before writing “Pappa” in big letters on his arm. 

“I got a purple cast cause it’s my favorite!” Adrian announced. “But Grandpa wanted me to get blue instead.”

Isak ruffled his hair. “I think purple is perfect for you.”

Terje called them for breakfast and they walked into the kitchen, but Isak pulled his father aside. “I need to talk to you about something.”

They went into his dad’s bedroom and Terje crossed his arms. “If you’re going to apologize about not being here, you should be speaking with your son. Not me.”

“I want Adrian to come live with me,” Isak announced. “He’s my son and I need to be a bigger part of his life.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Isabel,” his father tried to reason. “You’re only a first year in university and he’s just so young.”

“I’m not asking for permission, Pappa,” Isak replied. “I’m his father and he is going to live with me.”

“How do you expect to take care of him?” Terje asked. “You’re just going to end up dropping him off here every day as it is.”

“My roommates offered to help me,” he explained. “And he’s usually in kindergarten while I’m in class anyway.”

Isak’s dad spoke sternly, “So, you expect me to pay for his expenses and your expenses when you’re taking him away from me?”

“He’s not yours,” Isak snapped. “I will try bring him to visit when I can. We can still have Sunday breakfast. And if you want to cut us off, then do it. You’re the one who’s so insistent on me going to university.”

“Can I think about it?” Terje requested.

“No,” Isak answered, his hands shaking at his sides. “I’m taking Adrian after breakfast. He needs to be with me.”

His father stared at him for a moment before nodding. “Fine. After breakfast we can pack his things and drop him off at your house.”

Isak turned to walk toward the kitchen and smiled to himself. From now on, he was going to be better.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)  
>  If you're interesting in the skam remakes discord [message me here.](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)  
> Skam big bang needs a list minute artist. If you're interested you can [message the blog.](http://skambigbang.tumblr.com/)

_ “Happy birthday!” all of Isak’s friends shouted as he blew out the candles. He was finally fourteen, which made him feel less weird about his relationship with Even. Sure, he was still two years younger than him, but it didn’t feel as big as before, even though Even would be starting at Bakka in the fall. _

_ Isak smiled, happy to be surrounded by all his friends. Last year, he had spent his birthday with just Lea. His parents were fighting again at the time, and he was pretty sure they had forgotten that he was becoming a teenager. It was fine though. The same thing had happened this year as well. As for Isak’s friends at the time? They were nonexistent. It was after he had fallen out with Sara and Ingrid but before he had met Sana. _

_ It was okay, though. His big sister was his friend. They had taken the tram together to the art museum so that she could show him all of the best pieces that she had spotted on her field trip earlier that year. Afterwards, they got kebab and watched the stars together. _

_ Lately, Lea had been more distant. She had died her hair lavender and gotten countless piercings in her ears. She spent nearly every night at a friend’s house and, when she was at home, she spent her time arguing with their parents. _

_ Isak silently wondered if she would be home for his birthday tonight. He doubted it. She probably wouldn’t even remember to send him a text. _

_ It didn’t really matter, though. Elias, Mutta, Adam, Mikael, Yousef, Sana, and Even cared about Isak. Especially the latter two. Sana had joked that she wanted to buy Isak a “best buds” necklace, but then she realized that neither of them would ever wear it since it didn’t match their respective styles. _

_ Instead she had bought him a book about nordic skiing. Ever since they went snowshoeing, Isak was taken a liking to winter sports, but he didn’t dare tell the other boys. They would never let him live it down after all his complaining. Sana knew this, so she had given him the book earlier in the day with the assurance that it would help him make it to the next winter when he could get back into it. _

_ Most of his other friends had given him gift cards or useless things that he probably would never use, but it was okay. He hadn’t received this many birthday gifts in years, probably not since he was a small child. It was the thought that counted. _

_ And then there was his gift from Even. It was a painting of him on a large canvas. He was grinning and looking up. It was so detailed, down to the little mole on his upper lip. Isak had asked Even if he was looking at up at him in the painting, since he was so tall and always made him smile, but Even had just shaken his head. He said that Isak was looking at his own future and the amazing person that he would become. _

_ Isak thought the future was bright too, but that was because Even was going to be a part of it. Their relationship was going swimmingly and a part of Isak was confident that they were soulmates. _

_ They ate his cake and they danced around Sana’s backyard and, for that evening, everyone was happy. Everyone had left their troubles behind when they stepped onto the soft grass. _

_ When it was nearing time to go home, Isak was laying on Even’s chest and staring up at the sky while his boyfriend played with his long hair. _

_ “Was your birthday perfect?” Even asked as he massaged Isak’s scalp. _

_ Isak paused a moment before nodding. “It was the best one yet.” _

_ “You seemed a bit hesitant with that answer,” he remarked. “Is there something that we could do that might make it better?” _

_ Isak shook his head. “It’s probably stupid.” _

_ Even snorted. “Valtersen, you’re like the smartest person that I know. I’m sure it isn’t stupid.” _

_ “It’s just that I-” he bit his lip before speaking again, softer this time, “Even, I want to have sex with you.” _

_ Even’s hands paused in his hair. “Are you sure? I mean, you’re still so young.” _

_ “I’m positive,” Isak said with a curt nod. “This is what I want.” _

_ “Where would we even-” Even started. _

_ “My house,” Isak replied. “My dad left for the weekend and my mom is totally out of it. Nobody will notice. I can be quiet.” _

_ “I don’t know, Is-” _

_ “It’ll be great,” he assured him. “I promise.” _

_ “Fine,” Even replied with a nod. “Let’s do it.” _

* * *

Isak was lying in bed with Adrian early on Friday morning. They would have to get up soon so that he could take him to kindergarten and then go to his classes, but for the next ten minutes, they could just lay there together, and enjoy one another’s company.

He ran his fingers through his son’s hair, but his finger got stuck on a few strands that were crusted together. Isak had to remind himself to bathe him that evening.

He desperately wanted to tell Adrian about Even. He deserved to know about his other father, but he also knew that meant that he would have to tell Even as well. He was going to find out eventually. It would be better for Even to find out through Isak than in some roundabout way through the rumor mill.

“Adrian,” Isak started, but his breath caught in his throat. 

“What is it, Pappa?” the five year-old asked, looking up at him. God, Isak hadn’t noticed how much he looked like Even until now. He had the same nose as him. And then there were his bright eyes. They were exactly the same as Even’s; bluer than the sky.

Isak bit his lip. Maybe he should start with something besides outright revealing Even’s identity. “How would you feel about having a sister?”

Adrian’s eyes lit up as he turned around on the bed, facing Isak. He quickly threw the blankets off the bed before hauling Isak’s shirt up and pressing his ear to his stomach.

Isak laughed and Adrian sat up again, furrowing his eyebrows. “Don’t laugh,” Adrian commanded, pointing an angry finger at him. “It feels silly.”

“What are you even doing?” he asked.

Adrian rolled his eyes, something that he had learned from Isak. “I want to hear the baby, duh,” he stated, as if it were obvious.

Isak reached up and ruffled his hair. “She isn’t in there, you goof. She’s already born.”

He crossed his arms. “Then why haven’t I met her yet.”

Isak thought for a moment. How the hell was he supposed to explain this to his kid without implicating Even. He knew that he was going to have to go with some version of the truth.

“Well, she isn’t completely your sister. Only halfway,” he tried to explain, but Adrian looked more confused than ever. “She wasn’t my baby.”

“So her Pappa is different?” he asked, seeming completely lost.

“You know how I told you that you have a second Pappa that you haven’t met yet?” Isak shouldn’t have asked him in the first place, but it was too late now. There was no going back. “Well, he’s her Pappa too. And she has a Mamma, just like I do.”

The child nodded slowly. “So, can I meet her?” he requested.

“Soon , probably,” Isak promised, in full knowledge of what he was going to have to do. It was impossible to deny his son something like this. “But I have to speak with your other Pappa first,” he added.

Adrian smiled and started jumping on the mattress. “I’m gonna meet my other Pappa and my part-sister!” he exclaimed.

Isak grabbed him and threw his little body down on the bed and started tickling him. “Pappa, stop!” he squealed out between laughs.

He listened and pressed a kiss to Adrian’s forehead. “It’s time for breakfast.”

Adrian sprinted to the door and opened it, beelining it for the kitchen. Isak hauled himself out of bed with a smile. Nobody made him happier than his son did.

* * *

Isak didn’t have to pick Adrian up from kindergarten until 15:30, so he had all of Friday afternoon to himself. He had made himself a sandwich for lunch and set up his laptop on the table in front of him so that he could finally continue watching a snowboarding show that he had started ages ago called  _ Brothers on the Run. _

He hadn’t even finished half of his sandwich or one of the ten minute episodes before he heard a someone buzz his apartment. He paused the video and frowned. Noora was at class, Eskild was at work, and Linn was asleep. Who the hell could be visiting?

When he peeked out the window, he saw a familiar head of curly black hair. What the fuck was Jonas doing here? And why did he look so pissed off?

Isak buzzed him up and then opened the front door for him. “Is something wrong?” he asked the curly haired boy.

“You tell me,” Jonas replied, walking through the doorway.

Isak closed the door behind him. What the hell did he mean? Did Isak do something? “Jonas, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I thought we were friends,” Jonas practically yelled. “I told you about my feelings for Eva, my parent’s divorce, and my secret passion for poetry.”

Isak furrowed his eyebrows. “Jonas, what are you talking about? We are fr-”

“Don’t feed me that bullshit,” he interrupted. “Friends, they tell each other stuff. I’ve told you so much about me, yet you offer nothing in return.”

Isak was on the verge of tears. Had he found out that he was trans? Did he hate him now? “Jonas, I-”

“Imagine my surprise when I hook up with this girl named Ingrid and she says-”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was trans,” Isak sobbed out. “I was scared of how you would react, even though you’ve always been such a great friend to me.”

Jonas’s eyes widened and his expression. “You’re trans?” he replied, and Isak knew that he probably should have waited for his friend to speak.

He nodded. “But if you’re not here about that, then I suppose you’ve heard about who Adrian really is.”

“I’m sorry I came in here all angry,” Jonas said. He was too nice for his own good. “It’s just that I feel like I don’t even know you. The boys don’t either.”

“It’s just hard for me,” Isak admitted.

“Being a single fa- parent?” Jonas asked.

“Father,” he clarified. “I’m a trans man.”

Jonas nodded. “That’s what I figured, but I wanted to be certain. Assumptions can be harmful.”

“And no, that’s not the problem,” Isak replied. “It’s hard for me to let people in when I know that most of them will probably leave me eventually.”

“I’m your  _ friend _ , Isak. I won’t leave you,” he promised him, but it was hard for Isak to believe.

He shook his head. “I lose practically everyone in my life, Jonas. First, it was Ingrid and our other friend, Sara. Then, I lost my sister when she spent her teenage years anywhere but home before going away to uni.” He took a deep breath before continuing, since he was trying to stay composed. “Then, I lost Even, and most our friends went with him.”

The tears started dripping down his cheeks and Jonas went to hug him, but he shook his head. “I’m not done,” he said. “You’ve met my mother. I love her, but she’s sick and sometimes she isn’t all there. And then there’s my dad. He hasn’t looked at me the same since I transitioned. Before I came to uni, the only people I had were Sana and Adrian, and even me and Sana have been drifting apart since we’ve found different friends here.”

Jonas moved forward and wrapped him in his arms. “You have me,” he said. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Isak nodded and burrowed his wet face into his best friend’s neck. It was nice to have another person in his life that knew everything, but didn’t look at him like he was some sob story.

* * *

Even and Isak had arranged to meet up at a local cafe on Saturday morning. Isak had decided that it was time to tell him the truth. It was time to tell him about his son.

When he got there, something on the board caught his attention. It was advertising a winter sports competition that would take place in two weeks. The competition wasn’t exactly local. It said that it was in Idre, Sweden, so Isak was going to have beg Mahdi to drive him again. At least it was only four hours this time.

He took a picture of the flier so that he could work out the details and sign up later that day. Then, he made his way to the counter to order himself a drink.

“I saw you looking at that poster,” the barista commented. She had blonde hair and long fake eyelashes. Mari was her name, according to the nametag on her apron. “I hear that there might be some big people there. My girlfriend is super into skiing and she literally cannot stop talking about it.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I might go,” he told her. “It says that one of the categories is halfpipe snowboarding, which is my shit.”

“That’s pretty sick,” she replied. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” he said. 

She took his order, which was just earl gray tea with cream and sugar, and he paid. After his tea had been made, he sat in the window seat and waited for Even, who showed up not long after.

“Hi,” he greeted Isak as he set his drink down on the table and took off his coat, revealing that he was wearing a jean jacket underneath it and a sweater under that. It wasn’t even that cold. How many layers did he even need?

Isak smiled nervously and greeted him. He was afraid of telling Even about Adrian, but he knew that it was what had to be done.

“I feel like I’ve barely seen you lately,” Even commented. “Which is a shame, since you’re so damn hot.”

Isak flushed red. “Come on, Even. You're not my boyfriend anymore. You can’t say that.”

“I’ll win you over,” he said with a grin. “We’re all grown up now. My fully matured mind knows that, deep down, you want me back.”

“Mature?” Isak laughed. “If your mind was so sure, you would have taken the hint to leave me alone when I lied about being busy for breakfast everyday.”

“No!” Even exclaimed, dramatically clutching his hand to his chest. “That was a lie?”

He couldn’t help but smile and roll his eyes. Even was so fucking ridiculous, but it was kind of cute.

“Remember that time that we went on a date to that one coffee shop when we were kids and we had no idea that your sister worked there?” Even asked.

The memory came back to Isak and he chuckled. “Oh god, she was so fucking emo that year.”

“And when I went up there and I asked for her number as a joke,” he laughed.

Isak rested his face in his hands. “Oh god, and then you wrote  _ her _ number on the napkin. She was so freaked out.”

Even smiled. “We had some pretty great times together, you and I.”

“Yeah, we definitely did,” Isak said before taking a sip of his tea, which wasn’t nearly as warm as his heart felt in that moment.

“We had a lot of fun, despite the end,” Even replied. “Especially that one night, on your birthday.”

Isak went pale. “Can we not talk about that?”

“Why not?” Even said with a shrug. “We were young and in love, Isak. Young couples have sex more often than you’d think.”

“I was  _ fourteen _ ,” he argued. “It’s fucking disgusting. We shouldn’t have done it.”

“It happened years ago. We can’t change it now,” Even insisted. “Isak, it was fun at the time and, looking back, it probably wasn’t the smartest decision, but what were we going to do?”

Isak crossed his arms. “Well, for starters, you could have waited more than two weeks to fucking dump me.”

“It’s in the past!” he exclaimed. “You know damn well that I regret it.”

“Why?” Isak snapped. “Just so you can get into my pants again? Wow, Even, I thought you had changed, but you’re after the same shit again.”

“It was your idea to have sex!”

Isak put his coat back on and grabbed his tea. “I can’t do this shit with you right now.”

“I don’t understand why you’re still pissed at me,” Even nearly shouted. “I still have f-”

“I’m pissed,” Isak interrupted, “because you left me out of the blue and I was fucking pregnant.”

Even’s jaw dropped, but Isak didn’t stick around. He burst out of the cafe doors, ignoring Even’s calls of his name. Tears were dripping down his face, but he had done what he came there to do. He had told Even about Adrian.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the penultimate chapter :((  
> [come say hi!](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)

_ Isak sat cross-legged on Even’s bed as the other boy drew. He was working on some present for his youngest sister. It was a realistic drawing of her with a flower tucked behind her ear. Isak was proud of his boyfriend. After all, he was pretty fucking talented. _

_ Even set the drawing down. “Isak, I think that we should talk about something, while we still have the house to ourselves.” _

_ He had wanted to do something else with the empty house, but Even wanted to talk, so they could talk. Isak nodded. “What is it, baby?” _

_ The older boy flinched slightly. “Isabel, I’m going to be starting vgs this year,” he started. _

_ “You can finally take me to some real parties,” Isak said with a smile.” _

_ Even paused for a moment before shaking his head. “No, Isabel. I can’t,” he replied. _

_ Isak’s face fell. “Are you really saying what I think that your saying?” _

_ He turned his glance to the window, refusing to look Isak in the eyes. “I think that you and I should break up.” _

_ The tears started falling down his face. “I don’t understand,” he sobbed. “Things have been going so well. Even, I love you.” _

_ “No, you don’t. You’re just a kid,” Even argued. “And that’s why we need to break up. I need to date people that are older than you. You need to be with people your age.” _

_ “But my birthday-” he started. _

_ “Your birthday was a mistake, Isabel,” Even finished. “Look, we can still be friends.” _

_ Isak shook his head. “I don’t think we can. Not after this,” he said before storming out, leaving a teary Even behind. _

_ It was over. Isak had literally put every bit of him: body and soul, into this relationship, and Even had decided it wasn’t good enough, by just two years. How the hell was Isak supposed to trust anybody after this? Even was no better than his Ingrid and Sara, or his sister, or even his fucking parents. _

_ He thought that his life had gotten better, but in reality nothing had changed. It was the same as it had always been. _

_ Isak was alone. _

* * *

When Isak rang his mother’s doorbell, Adrian gripping on to his other hand, the nurse answered the door. Her name was Lise and she was in her 30s, with long black hair and dark skin. She had a few kids of her own, but Isak had never met them.

He had only spoken to her a few time, but he knew that she was only supposed to come by to check up on Marianne on weekday mornings. It was a Tuesday evening and she was here, which meant that something might be wrong. Maybe it was a bad decision to bring his son by. He should have called first.

Lise crouched down and ruffled his son’s hair. “Oh my goodness? Are you the famous Adrian?” she asked him.

He grinned widely. “Yep! What’s your name?”

“I’m Lise,” she introduced. “I’m your grandma’s nurse.”

He stuck out his hand and she laughed as she shook it. “You’re so polite! Did you learn that from your Pappa?”

He moved toward her ear and loudly whispered, “Pappa is my favorite person ever.”

Adrian was so cute, so that should have brought a smile to Isak’s face, but he was still super worried about his mother.

“Is Mamma okay?” he asked Lise.

She stood up and smiled. “Marianne is fine, Isak. She’s just invited me over for dinner,” Lise explained. “We  _ are _ friends, you know.”

Feeling relieved, Isak smiled and shook his head. “Of course. Sorry that we crashed your meal.”

“No worries. Come on in. I bet she wants to see you,” she replied, moving to the side so that they could enter the house.

As soon as he got inside, the scent of Fårikål filled his nose and overwhelmed his senses. Sure, it was just mutton stew, but his mom was an excellent cook and it was one of her best dishes.

When they walked into the kitchen, she was standing over the pot, stirring it and adding some pepper. Her natural ability to add the right amount of ingredients without measuring anything never ceased to amaze him. He kind of wished that she had passed her cooking prowess on to her children. He was an awful cook and Lea somehow managed to be far worse.

“Grandma!” Adrian yelled before he ran up to her and awkwardly hugged her side with his functional arm.

She grinned an ruffled his hair. “My two favorite boys are here? What a lovely surprise!”

Isak scratched his head as Lise walked into the room. “Sorry, I should have called in advance to tell you we were coming instead of surprising you and interrupting your dinner.”

“Never apologize for coming to visit me,” Marianne replied before walking over to Isak and hugging him tightly. “I am always happy to have you over, my son.”

Adrian held up his purple cast. “Look, Grandma! I hurted my arm but you can sign my cast.”

“Oh no!” she exclaimed. “What happened? And I would love to sign it, dear.”

“Grandpa tried to teach me how to ride my bike but it was hard,” he explained. Isak walked out to go find them a marker in the office upstairs.

He paused when he saw his old bedroom and decided to go inside. It was exactly the same as he remembered it, and it felt kind of like the scene of a crime. His bed, which had gray sheets and a white duvet with black zigzags running across it.

It was like looking at the scene of the crime. So much had happened on that very bed. That was where he lost his virginity and got pregnant. That was where he cried for hours after being dumped. That was where his water broke. That was where he was when he told his parents that he was a man.

That bed had been through some of the highest and lowest points of his life, but it was in the past. It didn’t mean anything anymore. Now, it was just a bed.

His new bed was better. His new bed had been with him throughout most of his transition. That was where he laid after long days of snowboarding. That’s where he watched reruns of old TV shows when he was slightly hungover. That was where he cuddled with his son.

Maybe letting the past go allowed him was what allowed him to live a better, happier life.

Perhaps, if he let go of the past and allowed this thing with Even to happen, things would turn out better this time. Sure, it was a risk, but sometimes risks turned out to be a good thing.

He had taken a risk when he told his parents the truth about his gender, but now he was able to live his life normally and be the man that he was. He had taken a risk when he decided not to get an abortion, and he turned out to have the best son in the world. He had taken a risk when he confronted his father and took Adrian home, and he had been so much closer with his son ever since. 

Yes, trying to be with Even again would be a risk, but it might be a risk worth taking.

* * *

“So you have a baby, but who’s the mother?” Magnus loudly asked with his mouth full as they ate at the cafeteria.

“First of all, he is five years-old, so not exactly a baby,” Isak clarified. “And he doesn’t really have a mom.”

“Like she isn’t in his life?” Mahdi wondered aloud. At least he was respectful about his invasive questions.

“Not exactly,” Isak responded.

“But like, who gave birth to him?” Magnus inquired, before taking another bite of his sandwich.

“Me,” Isak quietly admitted, I’m a trans man.

“Thanks for feeling like you can tell us, bro,” Mahdi said, patting Isak on the back in support.

Then, all three of them turned to Magnus expectantly, as he continued to eat his sandwich. “What?” he asked before swallowing. “Why are you all staring at me?  
“We’re waiting for you to ask your inevitable ignorant and borderline offensive question,” Jonas replied. 

Magnus’ jaw dropped. “That’s what you guys think of me?”

Mahdi shrugged. “It happens a lot and we accept that you still have a lot to learn due to your sheltered white male lifestyle.”

“Oh please, name  _ one _ time that I asked an ignorant question,” he challenged crossing his arms.

“You asked me if Eva was straight or a lesbian,” Jonas pointed out. “Then you asked if I turned her gay. Which she isn’t, since she’s bi.”

Isak spoke next, “And there was that time where you asked what country Mahdi was from.”

“His name sounds foreign,” Magnus protested.

Mahdi laughed and ruffled his hair. “You’re just proving out point, bro.”

“Well, I’m not transphobic at all,” he argued. “I’m hurt that you guys just assumed I was. My cousin in Lillehammer is nonbinary, and they’re one of my favorite people on the planet.”

Isak smiled. “Well, I’m glad to have you by my side, Magnus,” he said, playfully embracing Magnus, who pushed him away.

“Stop! I’m mad at you,” he insisted. “Like, I’m proud of you for telling us, but I’m mad that all of you assume the worst of me.”

Isak’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out as his friends continued to bicker. It was from Even, who had been texting him nonstop since that morning in the cafe.

 

Douchebag (12:23)

Can we talk soon?

Like, I get why you’re mad, but I can’t ignore what you said to me last Saturday.

If you really want me to stop texting you, I can.

 

“Who is ‘Douchebag’?” Magnus inquired, peeking over his shoulder.

Isak supposed that he should probably change his name in his phone. It seemed kind of outdated, especially now that he was considering trying to be close to him again. At the very least, they could be friends.

“Even,” Isak responded as he typed out a response so that they could arrange a time to talk.

“What did you say to him last Saturday?” Magnus asked.

Isak set down his phone and smiled. “Thanks for the invasive question, Magnus. I’ll have you know that it is absolutely none of your business.”

“I’m just curious!” Magnus argued. “Why is everyone attacking me today?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Fine. I told him that he got me pregnant and then just kind of, left.”

Their eyes all widened. “You dropped a bomb like that and then just left?” Mahdi asked incredulously.

“We’re going to talk about it soon,” Isak replied. “I was pissed about our breakup, but I’m over it now.”

“So, you like him again,” Jonas inferred. Isak turned his head to glare at him. 

“Can we discuss something besides me?” he suggested.

“What the fuck?!” Magnus exclaimed. “Isak, you didn’t tell us that you were gay.”

The other three boys groaned at Magnus being the same as always. Isak loved his friends, and he felt so elated now that they knew the truth about him. About everything.

* * *

Isak’s palms were sweating as he opened the door of his apartment on Friday afternoon. He had invited Even over to talk, since he knew that he wasn’t going to have to pick up Adrian for a few more hours.

“Hi,” Isak greeted, when he saw him in the doorway.

“Hi,” Even repeated, walking inside. He seemed to be just as nervous as Isak was, judging by his pale expression and shaking hands.

Isak closed the door and they ventured into the living room, taking seat on opposite ends of the couch. Even was facing forward, toward the TV. He couldn’t even look Isak in the eye. Isak sat facing Even, with his feet up on the middle of the couch, inches away from where Even was sitting, in an attempt to be closer to him.

“Nobody ever told me that you were pregnant,” he finally breathed out.

Isak shrugged. “I stopped hanging out with the boys and Sana promised not to tell anybody. She’s always been an amazing friend.”

“I can’t believe that I knocked up the first two people I dated,” Even said, shaking his head. “What are the fucking chances? Especially because I used a condom both times.”

“I mean, your parents popped out like four kids. Maybe you inherited supreme fertility powers,” Isak joked.

“Tell me about the kid,” he requested. “So I can know about the other kid that I’ve failed.”

“You said that you visit Emilie all the time,” Isak protested. “You’ve hardly failed her.”

Even shook his head. “I lied. She lives in Helsinki with Sonja and her new boyfriend.”

“Why did you lie to me?” Isak asked, furrowing his eyebrows. It didn’t matter to him whether his daughter lived in Oslo, Helsinki, or on fucking Mars.

“I thought that you wouldn’t like me so much if you knew I was a deadbeat dad,” he confessed. “Little did I know that I was already abandoning a completely different kid.”

Isak put his feet on the ground and scooted toward Even so that he could place his hand on his shoulder.

“You aren’t a bad father, Even,” he assured him. “You can’t help that your daughter is in Finland or that I kept our son secret from you.”

Even finally looked toward him, blue eyes shimmering. “He’s a boy?”

He smiled and nodded, at the thought of his amazing son. “His name is Adrian,” he told Even. “He’s five, obviously. And he’s an amazing kid. He’s polite and kind and, well, perfect.”

Isak pulled out his phone and pulled up the photos app, only having to scroll through a few pictures before there was one from Adrian at kindergarten the other day, holding up his drawing of the stars. He handed his phone to Even.

He stared at the phone for a few moments. Tears began to slowly stream down his cheek, until he sniffled and wiped them. He looked to Isak with a tearful smile. “He looks exactly like you.”

Isak chuckled, starting to feel a little emotional himself. “Really?” he asked. “I always thought that he looked just like you. I mean, just look at her perfect little eyes.”

Even grabbed Isak’s hand and squeezed it. “Damn, our genes work well together. And if he’s an amazing boy, that’s all on you. Thank you for raising our son.”

“He’s not grown up yet,” Isak pointed out.

Even’s face lit up. “Are you saying-”

“I want you to be a part of Adrian’s life from here on out,” Isak confirmed. “He’s your son too. You both deserve to spend time together.”

“What are we?” Even asked. “Friends?”

It wasn’t exactly what Isak had in mind but, if they were meant to be more, then they would get there eventually. There was no reason to rush into thing, especially considering what was at stake. If they rushed into things and it went south, then Adrian might have to deal with a childhood more similar to Isak’s, with parents that constantly fought.

“Yeah, friends,” Isak agreed, returning the squeeze that Even had given him earlier.

Even sighed. “Isak, I think that I might still be in l-”

The door burst open. “Isak?” Noora called, her voice getting closer and closer to them. “Vilde and I are going to watch  _ It _ tonight, since it just came out on DVD, do you want to- oh?”

She stared between Isak and Even for a moment. “You’re Sana’s old friend, right? Like you used to hang with her brother when he lived in Oslo.”

“Yeah,” Even nodded before pointing toward Isak with his thumb. “Isak used to hang out with us too.”

She glanced between them a few more times. Isak supposed that they were sitting pretty close to one another. She smiled. “Let me know about the movie. Okay, Isak?” Noora said. “We obviously won’t start it until after you put Adrian to bed.”

“Are you sure that you don’t want alone time with her?” he inquired. It seemed weird that Noora would be inviting more people in on her chance to cuddle with Vilde.

Noora rolled her eyes. “Sure, she’s my girlfriend now. That doesn’t mean that we can’t spend time with the rest of our friends.”

Isak nodded. “I’ll be there,” he promised. 

“Sweet,” Noora replied, before making her way back toward her room.

Isak turned back toward Even. “Sorry, so what were you saying?”

He shook his head. “No need to worry about it,” he replied, before standing up. “I actually have to go.”

“Okay,” Isak said, springing up from his seat. “Let me walk you to the door.”

As they made their way, an awkward silence passed between them. Isak didn’t know what he had done to make Even act so out of the ordinary.

Even wrapped Isak in a warm hug. It felt nice, but somehow it didn’t feel close enough, despite the fact that their bodies were pressed together. “Talk to you later, Isak.”

“See you around, Even,” Isak said as the older boy walked out the door.

Isak watched Even as he walked away, only stopping to look back once, before he turned the corner onto the street. He never ceased to confuse Isak, but then again, he never was the best one with interpreting emotions, whether they were his own or somebody else’s.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is the end :((  
> Thanks to all of you lovely people who read and enjoyed this fic. I was so nervous that it wouldn't be received well, but I've gotten an overwhelmingly positive response and it makes me super happy. If you ever want to know what I'm up to you can find me on [tumblr.](http://crackandcanonships.tumblr.com/)  
> Without further ado: the final chapter.

_ Isak burst into his house, angrier than ever. Nobody cared about the noise he made. After all, nobody cared about him in general. Not his parents, not Lea, and not Even. _

_ He loudly stomped up to his room and slammed the door closed once he got inside. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to cry or to scream. Which was more appropriate when you were in immense pain, but the pain was in your heart? _

_ He saw it hanging from the wall. The painting of him that Even had given him for his birthday, which was barely two weeks old. What kind of douche fucks someone and then leaves him just two weeks later?  _

_ Isak ran toward it and tore it off of the wall, just like he wanted to do with Even’s fucking balls. He put his foot on his bed and cracked the canvas in half over his knee. If it hurt, he didn’t feel it.  _

_ As much as he cracked the canvas and ripped it, he couldn’t get the picture to completely go away, so he took all the pieces and threw them on the concrete back patio, before going back inside for the lighter that they used to light birthday candles. _

_ After lighting the canvas pieces on fire, Isak glanced at his phone briefly. It was starting to get late. As the pieces burned away, Isak was better able to accept what had happened with Even earlier that day. _

_ It was 21:21, and the story of Isak and Even was over. _

* * *

When Isak and Adrian arrived at Terje’s house for breakfast that Sunday, Malin greeted them with a smile. “I missed you two so much,” she admitted, even though it hadn’t been a long time since they last visited. Isak supposed that she missed Adrian. After all, she had lived with him for a pretty long time.

She invited them inside and Adrian stopped her so that he could tell her about something that had happened at school earlier that week. She listened intently to every word he said.

Since they were busy, Isak went into the kitchen, where he knew Terje would be cooking their food. When Isak walked in, he flipped the last pancake onto the plate and turned off the stove. “Food is r-” he started.

“Dad,” Isak said, from where he stood across the kitchen. Things had been tense between them since he had taken Adrian home. Not that it was that great before that.

Terje turned around to look at him. He was frowning and his eyes appeared to be almost regretful. “You’re here,” he commented.

Isak nodded. “I am. It’s Sunday morning. Where else would I be?”

“You two didn’t come last week,” Terje pointed out.

Isak gestured toward the plates that were piled high with food. “Yet you still made food for us today,” he replied. “I needed some time away before I was ready to take him back here to visit.”

Terje nodded. “Thank you,” he said. “I was worried that I would never see the two of you again.”

“I’m still your son,” Isak began, “and Adrian is still your grandson. Of course you were going to see us again.”

“I haven’t spoken to your sister in years,” Terje reminded him. “I don’t think that genetic relation means that you have to visit.”

To be fair, Lea wasn’t a very good texter. Isak didn’t even hear from her more than once every few months, and he still felt like they got along fairly well, even though she had been distant from him in the past.

“I may have been the one to cause all the problems, but Lea was always the dramatic one,” Isak joked.

Terje chuckled a little. “I suppose you’re right about her being dramatic, but it was your mother and I that caused all of the problems at home.”

Isak shook his head. “It’s all in the past now,” he said honestly. “I think it’s time for us to move on and get along for once. My visits with Mamma are always so pleasant, but coming here has never been enjoyable for me.”

“I know, and it’s my fault,” Terje admitted. “I’ve been treating you like you were a child, but you grew up when I was busy arguing with your mom.”

“We can change that though, Pappa,” Isak suggested. He was on the verge of tears. His father had hurt him so much, but he was still Adrian’s grandfather, so Isak was going to have to try harder with him so that they could get alone.

“I’m so proud of you,” Terje smiled, tearfully. “Isak, my son. I am so proud.”

It was the best breakfast yet because, for the first time ever, it felt like they were a family.

* * *

Adrian was antsy, but Isak couldn’t blame him. He was going to be meeting his father for the first time. Of course he was antsy. The poor kid was excited, scared, and nervous, all balled up into one.

“Do you want to ring the doorbell?” Isak asked him when they got to Even’s house. Adrian paused for a moment, then slowly nodded. “Okay, go ahead.”

His hand moved toward the button so slowly that Isak had to force himself not to grab it and ring the doorbell with it himself. Eventually, Adrian pushed the button, and he flinched as he heard the noise ring through the house on the other side of the door.

Isak ruffled his hair. “It’s okay, Adrian,” he assured him. “He’s going to love you just as much as I do. I promise.”

“Thanks Pappa,” he said softly, squeezing Isak’s hand so hard that it actually kind of hurt. When had Adrian gotten so strong?

Isak heard the sound of the door knob twisting, and suddenly everything went in slow motion as Even opened the door. Adrian had dropped his hold of Isak’s hand so that he could hide behind his legs. He never was a shy kid before, but he supposed that these were special circumstances.

“Hi,” Even breathed out, looking at Isak. He looked just as scared as Adrian did, perhaps even more so.

“Hey,” Isak replied, smiling. He felt Adrian move behind him, peering out from around his legs to look at Even.

Even crouched down to his level and sniffled. Tears were beginning to fall down his face. Isak had made him sad. He never should have kept this a secret from him.

But, then Even was smiling. He was crying and he was smiling. He must have been happy, despite the emotional atmosphere. Isak couldn’t really blame him. Adrian was truly an amazing kid.

“Hi, Adrian,” Even sniffled out, holding his arms out wide. “I’m your other Pappa.”

Adrian hesitantly walked into his arms and hugged him. “Hi, Pappa,” he said. His voice was trembling. He was so fucking confused and it was all Isak’s fault.

Even pulled back and caressed the side of Adrian’s face. His eyes meeting this smaller, identical pair. “I know that I didn’t meet you until today,” Even started. “But I love you so much.”

Small tears fell down the sides of Adrian’s face. He was having some big emotions for such a little body. “I love you too, Pappa,” he replied, but it came out so quietly that it was practically a whisper.

Even took both of his small palms in his own. “Adrian, I will never leave you again,” he promised. “I’ll be here for you until the day that I die. Me and your Pappa will make sure that you never feel alone.”

Adrian nodded tearfully. “I have the best Pappas in the world.”

Isak crouched down too and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “You make it easy, kid,” he remarked. “You’re the best son that either of us could ever dream of. You’re so kind and well-behaved and amazing.”

Adrian looked up toward Isak. “Can we go home now, Pappa?” he requested. 

Isak looked over to Even, who seemed a bit heartbroken. “We just got here,” Isak pointed out.

But Adrian kept looking at him with those blue eyes of his. He was overwhelmed and he needed to get back home as soon as possible.

He nodded. “We can go home,” he confirmed before looking to Even. “It isn’t your fault. It’s just too much for him right now. We can come back soon, okay?”

Adrian climbed into Isak’s arms and he lifted him up, placing him on his hip. Christ, that kid was getting heavy. It didn’t matter, though. If Adrian needed to be held, then Isak would hold him.

Even stood up. “See you soon?” he asked as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

Isak bit his lip. “Do you maybe want to go on a trip with me this weekend? I have a snowboarding competition in Idre.”

“I’ll be there,” Even promised with a smile, before going back into his house and shutting the door.

It was starting to feel like Even was part of his family. It made sense, seeing as he was Adrian’s father, but it was more than that. It was like there was nothing in the world that Isak wanted more than to be with him.

* * *

The party at Eva’s house was raging. It was overcrowded and everyone seemed to be drunk as hell. Isak’s friends were in the bathroom, getting high off their asses, but he wasn’t with them. Tomorrow, Isak would be driving to Sweden and participating in a halfpipe snowboarding competition. It was great and he was excited, but there was no way he could drink or smoke the night before.

So he just kind of wandered around the party and chatted with people. He had tried to talk to Eva, but she was already so wasted that their conversation didn’t really make sense. Then he spoke with Noora for a little bit, but she had to babysit her drunk girlfriend. Vilde tended to get out of control when there was too much alcohol in her system.

Isak scanned the party for someone to talk to. He saw Chris, but she was talking to some dude, and he decided that interrupting them wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do.

While he wasn’t paying attention, some girl bumped into him, spilling her beer all over his shirt. Great. He couldn’t drink tonight, but at least he could wear his beer.

Suddenly, his desire to be at the party went down dramatically. He wanted to get some air, but it was mid-December. He would freeze if he went outside with his wet shirt, jacket or no jacket. Then he remembered Eva’s basement. He could go downstairs to her room for a little while and then come back. After all, she wasn’t anywhere near hooking up with anyone yet, so she wouldn’t need it. When she was drunk, she put her secret key above the door frame, as if that were a good hiding spot, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to get down there.

He went to grab Eva’s hidden basement key, but it wasn’t there. Had she moved it? When he twisted the doorknob, he found that is was unlocked. He knew that she was still upstairs, talking to people and drinking, so there was no way she had gone down there. He quietly closed the door behind him and walked down the stairs. She had probably just forgotten to lock it when she was setting up.

When he opened the door to her bedroom, somebody was already in there, lying on the bed and reading a book.

“Hi, best bud,” Sana said with a smile as she set the book down beside her and sat up. “Is the party getting boring up there?”

“I’m not drinking tonight,” he said with a shrug. “And I got beer spilled on me. I needed to get out of there for a little bit.”

She nodded in understanding and patted the spot next to her on the bed. “We can talk, if you want. It’s been a while.”

He clambered up onto the bed and they laid next to one another, looking up at the ceiling. “How have you been?” Isak asked, turning to look at her.

She shrugged. “It’s been okay, I guess,” she replied. “I’ve been speaking with Yousef again. I think that I still like him.”

Isak laughed a little.

“What?” she asked. “Am I not allowed to like him?”

“It’s just that it’s five years later and we’re still pining after the same guys,” Isak pointed out. “So much has changed, but we haven’t changed on bit.”

Sana shook her head. “Everything has changed, Isak,” she told him. “We’ve grown up. That’s why it’s better this time. That’s why our relationships are going to work out. We aren’t kids anymore. We’re in university.”

“And you’re going to be a rich surgeon someday,” Isak said, smiling. “Yousef should be happy. He might love early education, but you’re going to bring in the big bucks.”

“Oh, please. You’ll be making the big bucks for Even one day when you’re an engineer and he’s a struggling director,” she countered.

Isak sighed and stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Sana repeated. “You’re not so sure anymore?”

“I don’t love engineering,” he admitted. “So I’ve been thinking of switching to something else. The problem is, I just don’t know what.”

“Well, what do you enjoy?” she inquired. 

He let out a half-hearted laugh. “Snowboarding, but that isn’t a very practical career choice.”

“You should go for it,” Sana advised. “University isn’t for everyone, Isak. Worse comes to worse, you can come back to it later. You’re nineteen. Don’t sacrifice your dreams just yet.”

He smiled as he turned to look at her. “I have to admit, best bud,” he started. “You really do give some pretty good advice.”

She grabbed his hand and squeezed, turning her head to look at him. “We were friends when we both had nobody else,” she pointed out. “Giving each other advice is something that we do.”

Sure, Isak was closer to his guy friends most of the time and Sana was closer to the girls, but their friendship still stood. Some friendships didn’t require constant maintenance to stay strong, and Isak knew that he would always have Sana by his side, even if they didn’t talk as much.

* * *

“Next up for men’s halfpipe snowboarding is contestant number 21. All the way from Oslo, Norway, I am pleased to present Isak Valtersen!”

People were clapping, but it was out of politeness. Nobody knew who he was. Not yet at least. He knew that he was talented, and he was going to show them.

He heard a buzzer ring and took off, flying down the ramp. The first time he hit the air, he executed a simple 720 grab, turning flawlessly in the air two times. He hit the snow with a smile on his face. This is what he was meant to be doing. This was his passion.

The next time he went up into the air, he hit a supercat, meaning he did two flips in a cartwheel-like motion. He wobbled a bit when he hit the snow, but recovered quickly. Hopefully  the judges wouldn’t notice. This was just an amateur competition, so he probably wouldn’t be docked too many points. He wasn’t competing against fucking Shaun White or anything.

He did a few more flips and spins that he was pretty confident with. He had drilled this stuff at the Winter Park for the past few years, trying to perfect every single twist and turn. For all the times he practiced it, he never lost his love for the sport. Maybe it was his sense of adventure. He always wanted to try new tricks or shred down steeper hills, but he was aware of the risks. He needed to practice to safely get to the level that he needed to be at to attempt more difficult things.

Isak was coming up on the end of the pipe, and he knew that he should play it safe, but there was something that he wanted to try. Something that he had been working on, but only for the past year. More than half the time he attempted it, he ending up eating shit, coming home with bruises and scratches, but still smiling. God, he had given Eskild so many heart attacks last season by coming back to the apartment all scratched up.

The Håkon Flip was a move first introduced by Terje H å konsen, a freestyle snowboarder from Norway that revolutionized the sport. He was Isak’s idol, when it came to skill in snowboarding, specifically with halfpipe. 

Goalwise, it was very different. Håkonsen never participated in the Winter Olympics, despite having been invited after halfpipe snowboarding was introduced as a sport in the 1998 games. He also protested Oslo’s bid to host the Winter Olympics in 2022.

Isak, however, wanted to be an Olympian someday. He wanted to bring pride to Norway as well as the transgender community.

When Isak reached the edge, he took a deep breath and took off backwards, flying high into the sky, flipping and rotating around two times while upside down. The landing was the hardest part. He missed the landing more times than he hit it. And when he did hit it, it was usually sketchy at best. He usually looked like a fucking fool or scraped up his face.

Focusing on the ground, Isak came flying back down toward the snow and, this time, he hit it without a flaw, making it to the end of the halfpipe with a smile on his face.

When he took off his helmet, the cheering drowned out the sound of the announcer, not that he would be able to focus in on a singular voice anyway. Win or lose, Isak had done his best, and he was proud of himself for it.

He felt arms around him and he blinked a few moments until he realized what was going on. It was Magnus, Jonas, and Mahdi. They were all hugging him. He laughed. His friends were so fucking amazing.

They released him and Isak was met with a tall man with a familiar set of blue eyes.  _ Even _ , his entire body screamed. He ran over to him and practically tackled him to the ground when they embraced.

“You’re so amazing, Isak,” he whispered. “My god, you are so fucking talented.”

Isak still couldn’t find any words, so he just hugged him tighter for a few moments, until he heard Jonas shout  “Holy shit!” behind him.

He followed Jonas’ gaze up to the screen where they were projecting the current winners for each sport, as different parts of the competition were occuring in different places.

Under the column that said “Men’s Halfpipe Snowboarding,” Isak’s name was the first on the list. Next to his name was the number 99.7.

Isak had been only .3 points away from a perfect score. Granted, this was a competitions designated for amateurs, but that was still pretty fucking incredible.

* * *

The after party in the ski resort was fairly calm. There was warm gløgg being served for the competitors and their friends, as well as countless other beverages, with and without alcohol.

The boys were wandering around, looking for girls to hook up with. Though, Isak suspected that Jonas wouldn’t be heading home with anyone. He wasn’t sure as to exactly what was happening between him and Eva, but there was definitely something there.

Isak and Even stayed back in the main room, leaning against the wall and talking about everything and anything, from snowboarding to uni to Even’s parents to Adrian.

A middle-aged man dressed in a navy suit walked up to them and asked, “Isak Valtersen, right?” in English. He had an American accent, but he definitely had Scandinavian features. Maybe he had moved out of the region as a child or something.

Isak nodded and the man thrust his right hand toward it. “Ronald Sandberg,” he introduced as they shook hands.

“I work for DC Shoes in Huntington Beach, California,” he explained. “My cousin’s daughter, Iben, competed in ski jump here today and I came to watch her. When she saw you were a contestant, she and her girlfriend insisted on seeing you ride.”

Isak had thought Iben was just some girl that he went to school with trying to make him feel good about himself. Maybe she was a real fan. Isak had never had  _ fans _ before.

“Your run today was absolutely outstanding and that win was well-deserved,” the man complimented.

Isak smiled and nodded his head. “Thank you, sir.”

“I would like to offer you a sponsorship with my company,” he offered, and Isak’s jaw dropped. DC Shoes was a big company. A sponsorship with them meant that he could go pro.

“I would love that very much,” Isak replied, nodding, his eyes still wide open in shock.

Ronald pulled a business card out of his pocket and handed it to Isak. “Call me tomorrow and we can set up a time to work out the contractual details.”

Isak stared at the card in his hands. It was just a piece of paper, but it meant everything to him. It symbolized a future for him that didn’t involve studying something that he hated. He could support his son while doing the one thing that he absolutely loved to do. Sure, he might have to travel to the States occasionally, but it would pay better than most any Norwegian sponsorship would.

“I will call you as soon as I wake up tomorrow,” Isak promised.

“I have to go back to my family soon,” he said, gesturing over his shoulder. It was Iben, and she was standing next to Mari, the barista from the cafe. Go figure. It really was a small world.

“I have one more thing to say before I leave,” the man continued. “Isak, you are an amazing athlete. You aren’t just good “for a trans man” as some ignorant people might say. You’ve got some real skill, kid. I think you have potential. One day you’ll find yourself competing against other men in the Winter X-Games and Olympics and, Isak, you’re going to keep winning.”

“Thank you, sir,” Isak replied , shaking his head in disbelief.

“I’ll be hearing from you tomorrow,” he said, before leaving to go meet up with his family.

Isak finally looked over to Even, who seemed equally as dumbfounded. “Did that k\just happen?” he asked the taller boy.

Even nodded. “You’re going to be famous, Isak.”

Isak shrugged. “I was going to be famous anyway, but now it’s not going to be because of some hot director that I know,” he joked.

Even’s mouth spread into a grin. “You think that I’m hot?”

He winced. “I was talking about Mikael, sorry.”

“Nope,” Even replied, shaking his head. “You, Isak Valtersen, think that I, Even Bech Næsheim, am hot.”

“Maybe just a little,” Isak admitted with a shrug.

“Well, you’re a major DILF.” Even said before awkwardly attempting to wink, even though a wink with both eyes was called a blink.

Isak snorted. “A DILF? You’re so fucking ridiculous.”

Even shrugged and smiled at him. “It is what it is. You’re fucking hot and we have a kid.”

He laughed, but then went silent for a moment. Maybe it was time for them to stop joking around. Maybe it was time to them to start talking about something real. To finally put the past to rest.

“Why did you leave me, Even?” Isak asked in a soft voice. “It was so sudden and I still don’t know what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Even sighed. “I left you because I thought you deserved better. You’re so amazing, and I didn’t want you to be dragged down by my mental illness.”

Isak furrowed his eyebrows. “Even, being bipolar doesn’t change who you are. You’re still that awesome guy that I met the first time I went to Sana’s house.”

“I know that now,” he replied. “But, at the time, it was all so new. I wanted to give you a chance to fall for somebody more normal.”

“There’s no such thing as normal,” Isak stated. It was true. Everybody had flaws and everybody had strengths. Every person on the planet was unique in their own way, so Even wasn’t any less normal than anybody else.

“I’ve been trying to tell you this for a while now,” Even started, taking Isak’s hands in his own. “But, Isak Valtersen, I never stopped loving you.”

“I love you too,” Isak admitted in a soft voice.

Even’s eyes flickered to Isak’s lips. Fuck the risks. Isak had to bury the past and give him another chance. He wrapped his arms around the taller boy’s neck and gently pulled him in. Even moved with him and their lips met softly in the middle.

Even’s lips were a bit chapped from the cold, and Isak knew that his mouth probably tasted like gløgg, so maybe it wasn’t perfect. It still was amazing. Isak missed the taste of Even’s tongue on his. He missed his tendency to gently nip at Isak’s lips. Isak had missed Even, but now he had him back, and he wasn’t going to let that go.

When they pulled apart, Isak spared a glance at the large clock hanging in the lobby.

It was 21:21 and the love story of Isak and Even had just begun.


End file.
